A letter from May 17, 2023

Dear FutureMe, 9th grade, Almost done with it. I think I like Mollie (more than friend way) but she just betrayed me soooo....here's a letter she'll never read May 16 2023 Dear Mollie, I miss you. It's only been a few days since we talked and less since we've seen each other, but I already miss you. I pass you but in the halls and see you in class but remain silent. I've been too scared to admit anything. To you, to myself. I sit next to you in class like we've never met each other. Like I haven't shared my secrets with you. Like we've never stayed up laughing, watching movies, making fun of Ross and Rachel, and conversing about books. Like you never told me your secrets. Me being so proud that I was your favorite and most trusted out of all of us to the next day being someone you wouldn't even look at let alone talk to. Teachers start coming up to me, asking, "Are you okay?" "Do you need anything." I spent lunch block in the bathroom hiding from her. From you. Putting all my energy into making sure that it looked happy all day. Not showing the toil within. I've told you THE secret. THE secret Mollie! "I forgive them" "I forgive them" Every day I say that to myself. Telling myself that they are going through stressful events in their life. They are fighting their own battles just like me. For almost two years I've put up with her treating me like I'm no one. Someone she only hangs out with because I'm in her class. Someone she says "**** you" to when I say no to her, or when I say I don't want to do something. Someone who says "shut up" to me when I answer a problem right and she doesn't. Someone who you've asked as well as told to stop saying stuff like that to you but continues to do it. Someone who when you finally stop talking to because of her actions and comments, gets insulted and decides to guilt trip you, saying without words "you're a wimp who can't take a few swears thrown at you." Not only that but you, of all people, someone I thought would stand by my side, agreed with her. Saying "It's just how she acts and it's hard to stop doing something she's used to...It's something you have to be flexible about." Mollie, I haven't told you everything about my childhood trauma, however that shouldn't change anything; however, just let me add something. When I was much younger than I am now my sister was abusive to me. My sister did stuff that She did. I know I'm moving and you're sad about me moving, so am I but I don't want to lose you. I don't care if I lose Her friendship because it's not like she cares about it anyway. But you? No. I've cried every night the past few days thinking that we won't be friends anymore. Thinking that you only hung out with me because of Her. I'm nobody. I sit alone at lunch. I go to the library alone. I go to school events alone. I am alone. She started talking to Lana instead of me. That says too much. In the past she complained to me about past years with Lana and the thing she would rather do than hang out with her. The fact that She would rather hang out with her than me. I can't. Elida came up to me in Spanish and talked to me about how "upset" She is, making it seem like it's my fault. My fault. My fault that She is a bad friend. My fault that she doesn't respect my boundaries even when I've stated them multiple times to her.