A letter from May 08, 2023

Dear FutureMe, I'm not really sure what to write in this, but I think this is necessary. You've either graduated or are close to graduating high school. You may have already applied to some colleges, you may be making plans to leave the country, or you may have completely different plans than I do. Maybe you've repaired your relationship with mom and Derek. Maybe you've moved back to Oregon. I hope you're still friends with Hannah, Robert, and Casper. I hope you're still friends with Sam, E, Ellie, and Cole. You could be in a relationship with E again. Or you're dating Casper, or someone else entirely. Whoever it is, I hope you're happy. Life is crazy, y'know. I'm happy but at the same time I'm not. I don't really like myself and I wish I could be better. I wish my family liked me. I know they love me, but it doesn't seem lile they like me. Especially Sav and Rob. I wonder what they'll be doing when you read this. I wonder where they'll be living. Jemma's 8 years old already. That's crazy to me. She's 11 for you. I hope she's still happy and healthy and active. She's a little dog, but she's feisty and I love her. Gigi's 6 for you. It's also been 8 years since Gigi's passed, 4 and a half for Poppy. I hope you remember their voices. They were special. You're happy, right? You're happy and healthy and alive? Your friends are happy? I hope. I don't want you to feel the same way I do. I'm doing better than I was, but I still need to see a therapist because I could be better. I'm getting there though. I hope you're already there. I hope your friends are too. They deserve it. It's really difficult to see my friends get worse as I get better. I know E isn't doing good at all and I'm worried about them. I feel distanced from them now. I don't like that. I hope they're okay for you. I don't really know what else to say, but I hope you're doing well and I hope your friends are too. Good luck with college. Lilliann, 9th grade