A letter from May 04, 2023

topic: Jesus and Christianity writing and journal modeling and opportunities school and grades someone remembers. Dear Life, I'm searching for a bucket list to do before I leave this world behind but I'm just a twenty-year-old girl with a healthy body and mind. But aren't we called to be different? Aren't we supposed to live our lives like it is the last? The world can end anytime soon, and we are glued to our phones. Modern technology made us weak because we no longer feel alive. It's time to preach the gospel. It is the beginning to choose Jesus over the world. For so long I have suffered and followed the human law. It gets tiring. A teacher reached out to me today and remembered that I love writing. He said I'm good at it and to join the journalism club. It feels nice that someone remembers you even after years. It is no longer my passion. I thought I liked writing academics because it made me feel a sense of belonging in this world. I realized I'm a sensitive and emotionally intelligent person. Well, not all the time. I can connect with emotions. I write because I feel not think. I'm not meant for the academic side. I'm a hopeless romantic seeking love. Then a modeling brand reached out to me and wanted me as their model. I first complained to myself because I was so busy with school. But don't you see the opportunities thrown to you right and left? I always miss it. But I said yes in the end because life is supposed to be an adventure. I hate the sound of the notification bell because it distracts me. I cannot think and talk with my mind when the external surrounding is loud. I want peace. It is hard to find. Only Jesus brings me that kind of peace, but I turn around too quickly and miss it again. My grades are getting better. I used to be on top of it in 9th and 10th grade but college took away the fire burning in me. I hated the course but started to fall in love with it each time I went to the hospital. Yes, I cried and complained but I'm over it now. Imagine if you changed your perspective and see the beauty of birth. Bringing a child into this world, saying goodbye to a person who lived his life, and taking care of someone who lost hope. You will see them recover and smile again. If they don't make it out alive at least you took care of them. It can be depressing but there is something valuable about treasuring human life. I do get tired and angry at it. I'm also a human after all. But it is my duty now. I used to write in my journal every single day and make plans that I never do. Now I stopped because I do them. I'm proud of myself. I still kind of want to start journaling again and make the dreams happen. My walk with Jesus Christ has been a very complicated one because of my old self. I keep on running back to the things he saved me from. I think that I need my identity back in music, novels, and creativity but then it takes me away from the Lord. He has been nothing but good to me. Whenever I feel like breaking down, he takes up my pieces and I feel restored. It is an unexplainable feeling. I never understood how people could have a close relationship with Jesus until I experienced it firsthand.