A letter from Apr 29, 2023

Dear me, I hope that when you read this you feel better, I hope that when you recieve this in 3 years you’ve found peace, found peace from all the thoughts telling you it was your fault. I hope you’ve accepted it, that you’ve thought enough about it and have let it go. Whenever you cross my mind every other month I wonder if I cross yours too I wonder if you ever take a peek at my facebook page or if your sons still remember the few nice moments we had or if they even know I still exist I wonder if you got it from our dad I wonder if we both got it from our dad making it so easy for you to pretend I don’t exist, to ignore me when I write to you, to blame him for what he did and reflect it onto me when I was so young not able to understand why you did what you did I do now, I do it myself I find it just as easy as you to cut someone off if I don’t see them fit into my everyday life or even just an aspect of it. I wonder if you would ever give us another chance another chance at getting to know eachother I wonder what you told your sons do they know? Why can’t I know? Did you make me the enemy Did you tell them I cut you off? Did you tell them that I didn’t want to talk to them? Do you give me a spark of thought when you are with your sister or even just when you hear the word sister, do I come up? Or did you just forget is every fraction of me gone from your thoughts? I wonder if it was as hard for you to make me disappear, you still havent left my mind 8 years and I still wanna write to tou, call you and ask why you never answered me a last time or explained why you chose to lose the opportunity to know me you never blocked me Why did you even wanna meet me if you were just gonna get me to care about you and leave me at just 11 years of age full of hope and happiness for us and our new connection to just take it all from me again without telling me WHY were you jealous are you jealous for the bond I have with our father that you used to have that you couldve had that he took away from you is that why you did it? was that your revenge? or the start of the road to find your peace? I want you to know I’d get it now, if you don’t feel it’s too late for you to explain I would listen even if you’d have to write a novel about it I’d read it every stupid and hateful comment you have about my dad I’d take it I’m sorry for what he did and for everytime he wasnt there I’m sorry he was so good to you and then wasnt I’m sorry he started over with me and decided I was worth holding onto I’m sorry you had to do alot of things without him while I get to do it all with him I think I’d choose an explanation over anything with him Did you not tell me to shield me? Would your explanation cost me my relationship with my father? Was it really hurtful? as hurtful as I imagine it to be? As hurtful as I feel for you to have dropped me?