A letter from Apr 29, 2023

Dear Future Me, I hope this letter reaches you well, but I guess I'll know that in 3 years. That's weird to think about, I'm sending a letter to me but when I'm 17. Anyways, I hope the IB program isn't beating your *** like everyone says it's going to, I hope it doesn't, I really don't do well under stress. Moving on, have you read any other interesting books? I just finished reading 'The Song of Achilles', which made me cry for like an hour the night I finished it. Mom also just ordered Circe for me, and I'm excited to read it, as it's by the same author as 'The Song of Achilles'. Oh yeah, have you made any other friends? Moving can be tough, but I guess everyone learns to adjust to their situation. Oh, by the way, where was the place you chose to graduate? Currently, I don't like any of the current options of places we can go, but I found a private school in England that has boarding which might be fun. Did you ever try coding again? I tried during spring break, but I had to do something else and just never managed to pick it back up. How's Twinkie doing by the way? And Kuno? I just got Twinkie new toys that are mice with rattles inside of them, and she seems to like them, and Kunos is extra cute just like usual. Oh yeah, how's our friendship with Vanessa going? I'm still quite surprised it's lasted this long. Anyways, I guess I should kinda talk about how I'm feeling, which is gonna be kinda weird but I'm gonna try anyways. I could start with the fact that I'm scared of the deepness of the ocean, but I still want to feel myself drifting along the waves in the deep blue. I could also talk about the fact that it's only been a year since 7th grade, but I feel so much more mature, but I guess that's a part of growing, right? Oh yeah, do you still struggle with the feeling of being too much or doing too much around people? I struggle with that, and it makes me second-guess my friendships all the time, which kinda sucks to not always have full trust in the people around you. As well, do you still feel like you kinda want to be a boy? The idea of having no ***** and a deep voice sounds so nice, but then I feel like it's just cause I mostly only read stuff with dudes as the main character, it just helps me feel more connected, as when the main character is a girl, I fell uncomfortable or not really interested in the story. I can't tell if I want to be a boy or not, sometimes I'm reminded that I love being a girl, but then I sit down and think about all the things boys have, and suddenly I feel out of place I guess. But like, what happens if I decide I'm trans and then regret it? God, why must life and emotions be so difficult? Anyways, I just did like 3 'Am I Trans' quizzes and all of them said I'm trans but now I'm just more confused. How in the hell do people figure out if they're trans? Anyways, I'm sure I've written enough. See you soon, Amelia.