A letter from Apr 22, 2023

future me happy ******* birthday, ***** also, congrats on being a senior. its a big year. sadly you aren’t 18 yet. one year, though. you got this- senior year is hard, but you can do it. i believe in you. choosing a college is also hard. you got it. you might make stupid decisions but you will get past it. now for the deep ****. this might be hard to read but you need to do it. do you ever think back on december 3rd 2021 and regret it once again? do you have to re-live all of the emotions and regret and guilt all over again? sometimes i wonder why i did it why i felt the need to do it was i jealous? was i wanting revenge? if so, why? what would life be like now had i not read the entry? do you think back on 2020 and regret the two year toxic relationship you could have avoided had you not been such a people pleaser? do you think back on how avoiding that could have helped you avoid so many other problems? have you finally mended the trust with mom? with dad? are you happy with yourself? do you have any regrets as of now? if so, how do you think you could have avoided them? im currently home alone listening to music, sitting on the couch writing this. i have a fracture in my foot, back pain, headaches, nausea, and strep throat. life is a storm right now. on friday i had to skip school because of my back. all i did that day was cry and sleep and wallow in self pity. i couldn’t walk without crying due to the pain. and then of course my mom had to leave with my sister to go to her soccer tournament. nothing hurts more than not having your mom there when you are sick. i keep having this overwhelming feeling that something bad is going to happen soon. i hope that it’s not real. well, this has helped a lot. i needed to vent. im sorry if you read this in the future and cry and regret things and feel guilty. remember that there are tons of people that love you. including your parents, even though its taken a lot to mend things back to how they were. you got this, self. i love you