A letter from Apr 19, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Just a few hours ago, the passing of Moonbin from Astro has been reported. He'd been found deceased at his home. So today, I will be writing about *****, just because i want to sort this out before going to sleep. ***** has been a very distant feeling so far. I haven't experienced yet in my personal circle, so I've never grieved for anyone, really. Mass shootings, news reports of earthquakes, the boy who was shot because he rang the wrong door, celebrity deaths - like this one. Even character deaths. Of course, it pains me to hear about all of them. It makes me angry, confused. But it's always through a layer of objectivity. I usually think of their loved ones who will miss them, and empathize with them. Or think about why the ***** happened. Who should be blamed or punished for it. How it could have been prevented. And so in this case, I also thought of his sister first, and how she must be feeling now. And it made me feel a little selfish, because it's not really my place to imagine her pain and pretend to understand, when i wouldn't understand at all. Because i don't know yet. I don't want to know. It's the most cliche thing, but it does make me think of the future when my family, friends, close ones will pass away. Maybe by the time this gets to you, you'll have experienced loss. After all, it's not unlikely at all. This has been a lot of just rambling, so i'm sorry if it's all too messy and unstructured to read. I'm also getting really tired, so I will finish up soon. To not end on an entirely depressing note, I'd like to share my most recent accomplishment, which is.. my 12th grade report card! All grades are double digits, and if i do well enough in my finals, i may get one of the top grades...(though if i do happen to mess up, i'd still have a really good grade) I haven't been this happy for myself in a while, so that's something. After locking myself in my house for the past 2 weeks, i may be going a little crazy. Finals preparations have been going.. alright. German is in 7 days, and i'm quite scared, but i hope you can look back at it in a somewhat positive light now. I'll try my best not to screw up. Drink your water, past self