Letter 2: "The Breakup

Dear FutureMe, Hello! Remember the checklist: ☑ Letter 1: Jan 01, 2026 "The Summer" ☑ Letter 2: Jan 02, 2026 "The Breakup" ☐ Letter 3: Jan 03, 2026 "Christmas- February" ☐ Letter 4: Jan 04, 2026 "Today, April 2023" Well, here it goes- Letter 2: "The Breakup" In my last letter, I said that I had wanted to continue my story beginning on Service Day, but let me back up even further: Even at the beginning of October, Noah and I were off. I knew that the underlying current had to do with this subconscious guilt that I was feeling, but I tried to push it down. Day by day, God was just showing me where he wanted me to go. I tried to stick with our relationship. I wanted to be there for Noah, but it felt like he was pushing me away, even when he didn't mean to. We had multiple special nights. On October 3, 2022, my class and I took a field trip to Monkey Park to work on a group project. Yay! Noah was in my group! But we were still off. Way off. And he didn't even realize it. I tried to encourage him, but it was so so hard to love him when his pride and jealousy reigned over all of his actions leading up to the day of the group project. I kept my patience. The day of the field trip came, and I didn't know what to do. I layed out in the sun and didn't speak to anyone. Maggie laid down beside me, and we let the sun beat down on us. I could hear Noah talking with his friends, but I didn't wanna have anything to do with him. I was unhappy, but I didn't know what to do. I certainly couldn't talk to Noah about it, and my faith wasn't strong enough to lean into the Bible. Anyways, I don't quite remember what day it was, but I was sitting with Noah at lunch one day. He was bad-mouthing the play, Beauty and the Beast. He was complaining about it, even though he knew that it was something that I was passionate about. It tore me to pieces- what was I supposed to say? I tried to hold it together, but I couldn't once he started yelling. He was yelling about it! He never used to be that way. What was happening? I couldn't handle it. I started crying and I didn't know what to do. I was so unhappy. I didn't want to be. But I was. I texted him and told him how much it hurt me, and he apologized. He explained that he would do it simply because I enjoyed it and he loved me. But where was his freedom? Where was our freedom? Was this something I enjoyed, or just an obligation? Well, Service Day. This is where it really came to my attention. At this point, I had already begun to see that Noah and I weren't agreeing on a lot of things. At the time, I didn't even realize how important little disagreements would turn out to be. I thought they were just little hiccups in a relationship- but it was much more than that. It was a lack of respect for each other. It was a lack of respect for God, and we didn't even realize it. Service Day, 2022, was insane. I was put in a group that included Kenzie, which I was thankful for. She and I had been friends really beginning at the Disney trip, where we were the only two 9th graders on the bus we were on. We stuck together. I don't remember much about Service Day, except I know we went to Women's Hope to package diapers and then Storybook Farms to paint fences. At the time, I was so disappointed that I wasn't in Noah's group. But I'm so glad that I wasn't. Kenzie and I were able to have something that I wasn't able to have in a long time: girl talk. Pure. Girl talk. And sometimes that's all you need in order to get your head straight. I remember us talking about the cute nicknames that we had given our partners and everything that we like for them to call us, etc. We giggled and blushed and had fun. But then, at Storybook Farms, I told her the truth: Noah and I were feeling distant. I don't remember everything that I had told her physically about Noah and I, but it was enough to where she understood. She explained that women tend to get more emotionally involved with physical things, but guys can easily brush that aside. That terrified me. At first, I thought "well, Noah's not like that," but then I realized that Noah is not the guy that I thought he was. And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that something in out relationship was gonna need to change. Fast. What had we done? There was no way that Noah would've been able to sympathize with the way I was feeling, because he was a guy. It wasn't his fault. He thought that the physical was a natural part of a relationship, and we didn't know any better. I remember Kenzie and I joking about all of the crazy things that Noah and I had done. As much as I hate to say this, I always used to brag about crazy he and I were. I thought that we were incredible. But I remember me asking the "rhetorical" question: "Haha- how are we even still together?" She laughed and said she didn't know. I laughed and said that I didn't know either. Wait. ....why were we together? I pushed it down. I couldn't think about that on Service Day! That was complicated! But something felt off again: What kind of relationship were we setting ourselves up for? I realized that this feeling wasn't something temporary. We had already crossed a line that was impossible for us to take back. We crossed that line even before December 21, 2020, and there was no taking it back. I knew that. Kenzie and I finished talking. She and I talked about how wonderfully romantic it would've been to see Noah and Matthew arrive at Storybook farms, but whenever I pictured Noah, I only felt guilt. When we arrived back at the school from Service Day, I didn't see Noah. Apparently his ride was late, and I wasn't able to see him that Friday afternoon. At this point, Noah and I had only been able to facetime every other weekend, because he said that he wanted to spend time with his family. Actually, maybe I already had my ipad taken away at this point. Anyways. Sunday afternoon: It was me, my mom, and Claire sitting in the living room, discussing things about Beauty and the Beast. I needed to have Stephen over to practice lines again, and Noah was clearly very uncomfortable with that. I didn't blame him. I tried to give him warning, but I knew that it still hurt him, especially since it was Stephen. But I didn't know what else to do. I was hurt. I was hurt by Noah and the situations that we had put ourselves in. I was frustrated that he didn't understand me anymore, and I felt like I was doing him a disservice. I couldn't take it. I broke up with him over text that Sunday afternoon: October 30, 2022. It was heart wrenching. I tried to push it down and not seem weak in front of my family. I remember my mom asking me, "are you sure you wanna do this?" and I firmly answered, "yes." Granted, I had no idea what the heck I was doing at the time. I had no idea how much it would affect us. I had never really gone through a breakup like that before! I thought we'd gradually grow distant, or maybe we could work it out later. Noah didn't understand, and I didn't know how to explain it. Monday was hard. We cried throughout all of our first few classes, and I had to tell people that we had broken up over the weekend. Yet somehow I still felt like my decision was right. It hurt me SO BAD to know that I had hurt Noah that much, but I knew that it was better than what we were setting ourselves up for. I sat with him at lunch for the next few days, just talking through our breakup with him. Gosh, he was so easy to talk to. I told him that he would find someone that was perfect for him, but he said that no one could ever be as perfect or beautiful as me. He said, "Just promise me something. Promise me that we can give it maybe two weeks and we can talk about it then?" I agreed. I wasn't sure where that was gonna lead us, but I agreed. And I kept that promise in the back of my head for the next 14 days, even after the Dauphin Island Trip. The trip where I learned that he had met his new future girlfriend, Hannah. 2 weeks passed, and by this point, he was no longer acknowledging my existence. It hurt, but I knew it was for the best. He quit the play and tried to stay away from me. I knew that it would hurt him too much for me to bring it back up to him after those 2 weeks. I kept my mouth shut and pushed down the feelings. Multiple people asked me why we broke up, and I heard a lot of the things Noah said about me to Campbell. They hurt so bad, but I knew it was a part of the process. My mom reminded me of that. I tried to keep going. Months went by, and Christmas was extremely difficult. At this point, I had only heard that Noah might've been talking to Hannah, but I wasn't sure. I hoped it wasn't true, but I prepared myself for the worst. I thought that the Christmas break would keep me away from that heartache, but it only seemed to make it worse. I'll continue in my next letter :) I know this letter was on the sadder side, but don't be discouraged!! The Lord had it in His hands the whole time, and our breakup proved to be one of the best decisions I had ever made. I know that the perfect guy is out there, and everyone makes mistakes. It was something that the Lord had me go through for a reason :) Love, Lovie (16 y.o.)