A letter from Apr 15, 2023

Dear Future Kari, You have a wonderful ability to experience the joy that is available to you in your life. I hope you are in good health, have a beautiful relationship with Cecilia, and live nearby her. Almost exactly three years ago you brought Cecilia to therapy with Mitch, because you thought the turbulence of her adolescent separation and resulting stress on your relationship with her could be healed faster than by passively waiting for Cecilia grow up. A visit with Barbara illuminated that your mother, Linda, tended to view interpersonal situations in black and white - where she always cast herself as a righteous victim. This included Linda's relationship with you -- not just your grandfather and father. Linda was functioning as a socially anxious teenager in her relationships - perhaps choosing your father, Bill because his presumed autism spectrum disorder made him less challenging. I hope you have come even further on your insights on this, and your insights are making you a sensitive and useful parent to an adult woman. I hope you are participating in your life in a way that is rich. Maybe you are doing an interior design internship. Maybe you are teaching music in an elementary school. Maybe Sam retired last year, and you are focusing on your bridge game and your 5K time. Maybe you can finally get your feet on the floor in a front handspring onto an 8" mat. Maybe you are singing in a chorus, or playing the piano in a chamber group. I hope you are seeing your siblings more, that Eric is starting to find you easier to be around. I hope you either feel more tolerant when you are around Stacey, or that Stacey has learned to make more space and have more curiosity about your point of view. And vice versa! I hope you have exciting travel planned, and that you are getting to see your favorite friends, Jennifer, Jenn, Tamara and Sherry. Or your new favorite friends. I wonder if you are spending the summers in your home in Ithaca? Or have sold that house, because it wasn't really a good idea! Or maybe you are living in England now! Best wishes to you in the next year with its struggles and joys. 50 year old Kari