A letter from Apr 08, 2023

Dear FutureMe, I wouldn't say your a bad person even though it can feel that way when you feel like your always making mistakes. You are just scared and don't know who you are, being adopted and the stories that come with that and the ones you wonder about makes things all the more difficult. Don't lose you. you are the people you have met, and the places you have been and the people who have shaped you but you aren't the choices you make. because like you your choices evolve and change it doesn't mean you should keep making the same mistakes but it doesn't mean you should be held down by them carrying the weight self sabotaging. It isn't your fault or in your control how people treat you , but how you react is your responsibility no matter how hard. Just because something in the past hurt doesn't mean it will happen again, don't limit yourself, hurt others, or make assumptions based off of the past it already happened so take it as an experience and move on. It is hard to find us when we are 16 and at the age where the need to find oneself is so important but its hard when you never felt like you had a sense of belonging or who you are, looking for safety and belonging in one family while knowing you look like and came from another part of you wishing it was easier. I hope with age comes a sense of maturity and sense of self for us. Life can throw things your way that seem intolerable but it is what you chose to do what matters, don't fight back with hatred because it never works. I know it is hard to love yourself but if you don't you will not be able to let in the people that care about you most in, and there are a lot of them. Just because the list of people who hurt you is longer it doesn't mean others love means any less or isn't impactful so let them in dummy. When all is said and done, I hope we find peace with our inner monsters so that we see the storm we are constantly drowning in tends to come from our own making and that the world is not constantly there to drown us but that we tend to find the storms. I hope that we have found love in all the truest most pure forms with all different kinds of people, in different ways, including ourself. I hope we learn to let go because to let go is a step towards healing which can lead to forgiveness. That we learn taking responsibility for our actions no matter how wrong doesn't make us a bad but more human and more . I hope that we find out who we are what ever version that is and however it takes us to reach there. And I hope that we find reasons in life that are truly worth living, surrounding ourselves with people, things, places, hobbies, and energies that make the world worth it, that don't force us to feel the need to lie, hideaway, pretend, to or hurt or to be hurt but to be the most authentic human we can be no matter how awkward, or how many mistakes we . I know the journey wont be a smooth one but I know that It will be worth it, I hope that it is worth it. I hope you continue theater, and loving taylor swift, and surrounding yourself by people you love. When you open this I hope thar you have a future planned a passion waiting for you to conquer it ( helping people?) No matter how scary I know the journey will be incredible I will fight my hardest through the bad times so that when you read this you smile on the journey we had. Just like sunsets it isn't the end because the end is one that is beautiful and comes quicker then you expect and I hope for you that Is your highschool experience. I know it is not something you always feel or believe even when people tell you so I, me, you, us is telling you that I am proud of you no matter how many mistakes you make, or how dark it gets I am proud of you for being human and I am proud of you for going on this journey to find yourself. Lastly, sometimes all it takes is losing your phone on a log ride at Busch Gardens to realize sometimes you have to start over, It doesn't mean everything is lost and it hurts but to learn you sometimes have to move on. So next time you lose your phone on a log ride embrace it ( I am struggling to embrace it right now but I am working on it) love 16 year old Z P.S. It is senior year so make every minuet the good and the bad last because it marks the end of this chapter and marks the beginning of the rest of your crazy ride! <3