A letter from Apr 06, 2023

Dear FutureMe, 6.04.2023. Gloomy Thursday. Last few months I do nothing but listening to music. surprisingly, I even started reading a book. Have absolutely no motivation, doing same thing everyday, wasting time. And I really can't fix myself. I'm just pretending that everything is okay, but that feeling of disappointment burns my throat even now. The worst thing happened right when I thought that I escaped my miserable life. Person, who saved me from loneliness, person, who promised that 2023 wouldn't be as bad as past years, person, who called me brother, my best friend, told me that our friendship was one sided and wanted to end it. was everything that he said a lie? I don't even understand why it happened. He never told me the reason. What hurts the most? -Not explaining why it happened -Words that he texted me that moment -Hopes that he gave me -Seeing him not even care -Him changing into completely different person -Awkward handshake when we meet -Me still blaming myself even if it's not my fault I'm trying to be a cold person, but it's just not me. I feel lonelier than ever. I hate myself. I will never trust anyone again. I deserve everything what happened, because I have no self-respect. I don't know what will happen, but I will still accept and forgive him, because I knew him as a different person. I just want to tell future me to not be a scum. Be kind to people. Don't lose yourself because of someone. It is okay for a guy to cry. It is not okay to have nobody to share your feelings to, but remember that there is someone searching for you. Never give up. Never compare yourself to others. Always help others, even if you think they don't deserve it. but never be someone's tool. NEVER LOSE YOUR INNER CHILD.