A letter from April 2nd, 2023

Dear Ishi, I don't know why I am even bothering to write you this letter. I have written you a thousand letters by now. I have tried a billion times to move on by doing so. I even burnt some. But it just didn't work. I always held out hope for us. Always. But it's been what 2 years now? Nothing has been right since we both started college. Nothing. And I am finally, finally accepting it. I can't do anything to change it. And frankly, I give up. Sorry this is not a sad or hurt rant to you. Nor it is a passive aggressive goodbye to make you feel hurt. I just wanted to let out my feelings. It took me a lot of time to unlearn my non-comminicative methods. I don't want to go back there. Anyways, all I wanted to say is that I never needed you. Not after coming into a college I actually wanted to be in. I made great friends. Had a relationship or two. And I was happy. I am happy. I love that I am doing something I want to do. The point is, I put you on a pedestal because we grew together. You were there when I was down. We bonded on our traumas. We shared intimacy in a way I never thought I could. It made me love and admire womanhood. But that's all. I will always have a soft spot for what we were when we were kids. I would always be grateful to you for being there when that Vaibhav **** happened. And I would always cherish those memories of us getting drunk and laying in the ground of the terrace and discussing ****. But I want you to know, I didn't need you all this time. It wasn't need or desperation that made me always want to come back to you. It was such that respect to that womanhood. But coming here made me realize how easy it is to make that bond with people. I love people here. They are exactly like I thought they would be. Crazy, impulsive, artistic people always searching for inspiration. Makin really amazing art out of their experiences. People with color in their hairs and piercings on weird places and tattoos everywhere and the clothing. ****. I fit right in. But it's just I loved you Ishi. I saw you and I loved you. And I stayed all this time because I loved you. And I would always have this hurt in my heart because I know you don't feel the same. Which is why I sent you this letter dated 3 years from now. I wanted to meet you and sit down and just ask why? Just why did you let go? What was so wrong with our friendship? But I knew if I did we would just fight all over again like we always do when I let out my feelings. We probably don't even talk now. Not at all. You are probably busy in your job and I am doing my masters. But I just wanted you to look back once and just think for just few seconds about us and how it all went down the drain for no absolute reason. I can never forgive you for that. Hope you have an amazing life ahead. One last time, Pooh