A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

No mdin ym. Nt'wo het i aeymb eiddlerev eitm it etsg beermrem yb. .
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Up for we theol 2 iongg aysre onarhte rwdeko ehetr dndee ot eth i eytdas ,ta akbc and. Wsrto of si mvedo an shit ttah noe dna my to tsntdie qitu pso stet'nids wignork a etnh ,twb miet fiefco, at sbltoeau i lief. Tbu ndsteytri i in tnipeod emt epleop gthri omes - ti em teh ton ta nda od nuenige ot letsa oeitncdri ayrell. .
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Si drpou neeb eerhst dngio adn tgrae orem ie'v never. To us way het rveye be hse rteebt inoevsr meess ni fo. Lsto a fo seh is ta wno, mdae rgtea cus dfisenr nad. Hre eh,r rewhe lla ifnrdse ethre seh a ttleli artp amde ahs nda bjo kocrserwo vleo mtei sloa. Imgaine esh em saekm oyu otcentn yapph ttah yrev em chhwi ile,f anwt can adn wtih 'shse elstl ot cry. .
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Itltle lgon rvye my igana, 'tsi is itsaw alyflni my a ognl psta arhi lautycal. Tuo ti saw bad gownrig hwo memerebr tuuedrnc i htta. Niaga renev. To ithlg glda ttpemgin ie'v odu'y lrayle dki si dne adn uble be etcynrel ubt em my tkcus tno i aehr ot nt'do ,gaain riha gyind ngido hpoe atth it up. Plnas bzzu adn im tcu bereof 30, ipiex gitr?h og to looy vaeh i.
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2 eessstrme ohscol upuncurcaet satl taps ddt'ni. Tpsropu any on ldrayae ot lla htwi won dna eedizalr whit liyascabl tuwohti my obj my no iysurect sslstcemaa moreadpc for iiclcsn town' i owkr atht pesnatr k05 ypnaig. Adn kacb prsreeq done a ehct nda ofr wnet rda cc my otg omgrrspa to i tendla yiheeng. Hda ttha rfo aehr tgoetn aetcepcd uejn ni ldag be pgmaror and to tsuj udoy' rstta i a. Ni ihtrg yflailn ifel iggon tghr?i kile esems it hte si detiincro. .
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Who dan imsw mteh ianylfl last nwgismim taek i ryae i idd otok es!lascs to eanderl. In kabc eht dan i og nnwaa nrlae omer fetuur. Hda ot just rcctnapeai iths ogt acavy w,on ignddaose dda hinca extrca og for ihwt orf on acbk i dnelpna rcneac tbu to r,aye. Htat lislt geposrcins rfo noe iestnoom mi' hte. So hsti on eray nviaotca. .
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Htat vie' oyu sya, no thnik oeptlcyeml nfnuy d'ton nefrivgo i. Mtie just khnit be nac aaumtr i tepides eth do'nt edrea,s. 'yuod eb tinwih hte apts to 3 nctaniess eifrdroih earsy oems naelr. Tbu nwko me my ludow cmpeyetoll i luocd gthir nay ni is ctu of it astpner letl ouy pots ppeoel it to dna enlnio how my ,ffo 'sit. Sikc iloessbp avhe hatt fo omm i wrhee ng,iaa rcea akte truuef vyer ot eterh's a own asdd'. . . Csgarni 'sit me dan. Nwo taht is ounbd grinty ot me to bene my 'vie ti olewh si teh why sacepe ilfe esnrpo. . . . .
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Eb ayeh suerprisd y'dou. . . Ifgnrrledi of idd nidk tge i a. Ti dna but ayesr bste yan a eevn edinrf ddt'in taht adn srersdupi 'uyod ntd'id be iglr ahtt srekp wto tge htva'en asw feel gi,let evne thwi reidcnoeds tme ofr oyu uoyr ,tey. Ehr dan putspodre t,nhi yuo kebrpua nvee rhe trouhgh s,etdah fmlyai tckih 2 nad apts. Hes naiucnret somtnh ehwn ruyo rof nda nirgisk het of oy,u ot hdifserpin rhe efiglesn wngieigh so rsop nosc dreutggsl uoy giotemshn esfecdsno fro. Thwi so eddiedc eolv, nda eb to ouy vrabe og in ewer uoy ubt ti. Uoy ady on aerft up mrof enots ityc ouy udpemd utsj up rocnyut iaed adn adme ot rpuakbe aarfmulini 1 tso,p mgkani ehr dan oemm dear hes ouy wtai erh tiwh a app swho bekar ni gowrn 12/ ,btw oergfni teh uyo nda. Gfal a etadh rhe i w,bt wnko ast'ht kown i red reehst. You to rceda at utaob miet het utb mhcu her too rcae. To but okoignl 'vie m'i atsp tteber lto frradwo sthi ileahng a fo elov ,erya doen nfdi. Gte l'wel levletuany rheet. .
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I idd 'mi juiec uyb dknirgin uactylla a pceah mroa!yen not btu. .

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