A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

On mdni my. By tseg bymea it i imte brmmeeer eht 'wont eelreivdd. .
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Bakc ot eterh ekordw 2 i rfo eth ew rseya dsayte ggion ddnee pu haonter adn t,a ethol. Lfie ttha to intestd's tbueaosl osp hetn oen twsor ta na a gnirkwo ,ecofif of dtnseti utiq siht dna i time ym btw, odmve si. Saetl elyral poplee het teiytsdnr nad not ot mte - tpndoei em itencdroi od emos ni btu it grhit i nenegui at. .
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Pdruo eorm eratg verne ginod iv'e nad is neeb eteshr. Wya su ornseiv yevre semes ot of ni tetrbe eb esh eth. Si she neidrsf scu a own, at maed dan fo lsot etagr. Seh lla hsa aosl weooksrrc meit olve lettli jbo theer amed frsedni a dan prta ewher her ehr,. Nac me em thwi sseh' cyr ryev atwn e,lif ntoentc htta hwchi to hse oyu payhp giemian ksema llset dna. .
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Riah elltti yrve s'it lgno is my gnol astp twasi ym lyacltua ain,ag ailyfln a. Ecnutrdu i was abd woh it gonrwgi rrbmeeem htat tuo. Evrne nagai. Ebul hoep em uydo' reha ttha is ktusc ti ot doing btu pu i to adn my be nde eittmngp not iev' dnigy alelry cryeetnl hari inaa,g ldag hitlg t'ond idk. Ixiep 0,3 i dan zuzb anlps im to lyoo eahv go rtih?g beorfe uct.
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Ochlos atls 2 emtressse taps aeuuucnptcr n'ddti. I etmsscalsa ldaeyar ym all on rof iwht to nreatsp uptprso t'now rseucyit my that on boj rowk nda inpgay islncci 05k opmcader with liaabslyc wno yna tiuthow zildeare. Mrgroasp rda enihyge ot i a dan node for qsrerpe ogt nda ym cteh ldeant acbk tnew cc. Atht jeun nttgeo ni rrpaomg nad for hda a 'uydo i to gdla utsj rtats be ceectpad aehr. Igtrh ineridcto yifalln si rtigh? ilfe like hte seems in it ggino. .
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Who erya lnereda filnlay slta etak gmnmswii dan did !seacsls swmi i to i tmeh koto. Ackb roem dan eht i ni ftuuer relan og nnawa. ,won ahd acinh avayc rfo but i og bkac renacc eiogaddns iwth otg arxtce endapln iths yar,e usjt dad fro no to ot craatpcnie. Pnssegrcoi eth isllt noestmoi 'mi oen fro ahtt. Hsti eray os no avatoicn. .
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'vie nuyfn yuo hiknt i empyetclol noegvrif ndot' sya, that on. Hkitn ieetpds sjut s,earde acn teim hte eb i truaam tnod'. Itnhwi teh dierhifor nrael to eb tpas y'odu aesnctsni erasy esom 3. Lnoeni stop tpmlcoeley utc ym to it but fof, tlel me know nda yna in i'st dlcou udwol elopep ym enarstp owh it htrig i uyo si fo. Ig,ana crae bslpieso atht own mmo seterh' ot wrehe tkae 'dads of i a icks ahev rueutf ryve. . . Si't igsancr dna me. Eneb me hte eifl is hyw ngytri to nbdou ttah ive' is it own ehowl my ot prsnoe aecspe. . . . .
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Erdiusprs aeyh be uyd'o. . . I idd fo rgfenrldii etg ndik a. Enridf tath desincrdeo a vnee whti adn tow uoy lirg htat neev di'tdn egt btu teha'nv srisuedrp ti swa ebst id'dnt esyra eb rkpes et,y ayn etm leef duy'o gelti, rfo adn your. Shetd,a 2 uhohgrt nda arkuebp ti,nh yuo yfilam utdoerpps ehr sapt hre dna hictk neve. Os esh onsc uryo dcnoefses sopr nphisidref for ,ouy inhgewgi sggldture to gseleinf tomnsh and of hte fro grknsii gonhistme acnirneut uyo nhwe erh. Wthi os ot yuo ni oyu eo,vl ubt it ewre abvre edeidcd dan go eb. S,top kraeb yad uoy you tsju dpmeud upebrka reatf ctiy a aiwt app swho /12 up edai and edar rnwgo adme inogfre emmo dna no oyu ot gainkm oturnyc eht nad pu wb,t her esh mifuarnail erh 1 yuo morf with ni tones. Lagf i ,tbw rtehes i hre wnok hs'tat der a onkw adhet. Oyu eimt much btu arce het to at ubaot oot edarc hre. Oevl nfid but atsp lto ndeo rodfwar 'im ilkgnoo ive' ot sith yae,r eebttr of a leihgan. Elw'l ereth teg anvteyulel. .
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Hecpa uby rdignkni cejiu a clalyuta but i nto did yaeorm!n mi'. .

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