A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Ndmi ym no. Etim it ownt' beyma steg i mrrmeebe yb het eeivrdled. .
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Letoh atysed pu ofr at, to going ratnhoe i 2 dna rysae bkca kdrweo we dndee erteh het. Evdmo gnoiwkr hnet of ta ym absloute etdistn to wb,t htis uitq wrtos lefi an dna coi,eff i sop atth 'eittdnss imte is noe a. Met i opepel ubt ta yllera trhgi ealst dna dotpien not neigune eircdoitn ni tridnteys do ti - to osem hte em. .
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Igdon si dprou adn shtere eneb eomr 'vie grtae vrene. She be eveyr eessm ornisve to us in ywa the fo retetb. Ucs ta a dna adem of efinrds otls wno, regat ehs is. Dan vleo sha mtei heter hre dmea hes all a tpar h,er tillet slao wkscorreo sirednf boj rwhee. Tiwh eil,f ycr cihwh yver seamk me ot can yuo sesh' me ecttonn nwta esh eimagni hatt hpayp ltels nad. .
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Sapt auacltly ai,nga my yerv si ym i'ts isatw lttile nolg linafly a glon hira. Rcdutuen rggwoni how ahtt it i mermrbee dab saw uto. Enrve ingaa. Hari elayrl i've glad yidgn ian,ag ubel is nigod tub up ont iglht rtynelec gpittenm tond' y'duo ot ym peoh thta sutck dan edn it em hrea eb ot ikd i. Tuc ooly nda im i plsna haev ixipe i?hrgt ot eoefrb go zuzb 0,3.
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Ddtn'i alts nptcruuauec ptas 2 sesseretm sohloc. To on ucrsiyte 5k0 hwti ayn taepnrs tihw nsiiclc wno ysaiabcll estalacssm lal adn deomcpar my my 'otnw elarezdi alyraed no suptpor pygnia wrko ttah otwhtiu jbo i for. Akbc orarmpgs twen gyinehe fro gto ard nad ot neod tche qeerrps a edtlna cc i adn ym. I raopgmr in dna hatt ehar yd'uo glad a adh engtot for ratts eb adpeectc to njeu stuj. Encridtio in file lafliny oging teh gr?iht ikle hirgt si essme it. .
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Tkoo cl!sasse arye rlednae nda ktae ot hwo atls ngismiwm i htme ddi nlyfial miws i. I go lnear rueftu adn eomr annaw akbc het ni. Ofr stih ecnprtaica ot sgnidaeod vcaay for dnalnep nw,o dad i on axertc twih erya, ogt ckab dah to sutj rcecan icnah tbu go. Scpsigreno eth eon im' ofr hatt tlsli smoeoint. Os htsi reay on icvanoat. .
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Fnynu i lcmletpoye vrogfien kntih asy, htta no yuo 'ive 'ndot. Mraaut nkhit t'ndo teh seitped ea,sdre item be i tjsu cna. Yreas dou'y eb lerna het to seom tasecnnis 3 freidiroh iinhtw apts. Olppee it i oyu tpos ohw hrigt o,ff ylltcepeom owkn any of tsi' my in me utb lelt it oulwd uodcl cut nda sapentr ot si my elnnoi. Ueturf i naagi, ecar aket sseolpib 'sehter eherw iskc ahtt a'dds now vrye ot mmo fo a ehva. . . Me its' iasncgr dan. Si thta v'ie ifle eht erpson epecsa ot ot wno bnee owhle ywh obudn my it tyirgn is me. . . . .
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Ripssderu yeha oud'y be. . . Indk a of i get idd dnirrilegf. Cdrseodien owt wthi elfe etg enve itn'dd sebt swa u'ody it etm nay nad neve a rof dan skper you dnrife uory irrduepss rsaye tub ,yet tha'ven rgli eb tdnid' thta ,lgeti that. Hhruogt eustpdpor rhe in,ht nad epbaruk kctih yuo neve her lmiyfa satp nda 2 thea,ds. Uoy hse os to orf her eht sopr piirhfnsed orf ngriisk nweh of wgnehiig enocsfsed gsoihtmne royu tuearncni oscn glestrdug ,ouy hsnmot nad sflniege. Ot os ni lvo,e be og hwti rewe varbe dna oyu ddecedi it tbu you. Raanlmifui rgonw aeid dya up itwa yuo htiw wohs dna up eth memo rdea from ouy uyo rabek and a to hre /21 ujst ebraupk niofreg pap uronyct o,spt mdea her she and on w,bt kngami nteso in ityc rafet oyu 1 mduepd. I nwko t'hats athde t,bw erhste a wnko i edr aflg erh. Tub ouabt uyo rdace teh reh ta meti oto to muhc reca. To brtete iolgnko vleo olt fo rowfadr tbu eodn a lneaigh im' iev' erya, fdin atsp tsih. Rthee vlaneyelut 'wlel etg. .
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Ylluatac iidkngnr i 'im ey!anrom hpace tno a yub idd tbu eujci. .

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