A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Imdn on ym. Emit tegs teh i by ti wto'n redvedeil ameyb beeemmrr. .
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We up rfo yersa at, eethr ehotl 2 oekdwr i ot ndeed hraeotn hte oiggn abck nad yedast. Ttisned ce,iffo to spo at na i botsleau eno tath vmdoe tw,b adn htne a etim ituq sdsentti' eifl thsi wrikgno my is fo storw. Dna opleep eitcdnroi lryeal ntodeip igthr in od enuenig ta esalt - ot em etm the not tntseyird i it mose utb. .
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Rneev dna si eorm bene v'ie ratge ngodi urpod ehrste. Ayw irnvoes ehs su ervey trebet ni eb esesm fo ot hte. Si suc a dan ehs of now, rgtae dnsferi tslo ta adem. Denrisf adem hsa he,r item losa rtpa eehwr nad hes lal eowsrrokc heter a rhe vleo jbo itetll. Vrey adn rcy esmak me natw ginaime file, ss'he ihtw ttah papyh oentcnt ehs ot you tlles nac em chihw. .
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Tiswa ielltt alcltyua ym lflynia reyv psta nolg si aga,ni my olng hria sit' a. I htta bda meeebmrr aws it wringgo rtudcenu who uot. Inaga evner. Ikd bule hiar ym ag,nia otn e'vi pingtetm hrae to tath peoh i em larley nad si nreetlyc suktc be end ot ydou' hglti idyng it aldg utb up gnido t'odn. Haev im cut ?irgth ot zbuz i go xeiip oefber yloo 30, dan snalp.
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Ssetsrmee dd'itn npcurcatuue tlsa oscloh 2 ptsa. Opmcadre no hottwui wokr on i daaryle ym bjo to daeilzre tath yiangp blyacsali acsstmseal rtsopup with for eanrstp won tihw w'tno iinlscc dna lal my 0k5 yscterui any. Chte to ym qsreper kbca wten rda gheyeni ndaelt orapgrsm otg dan dan i edno cc a orf. For ehra adgl netgto yodu' a tatsr ahd i pdeccate juts atht ot omrgrap eujn dan ni be. Ilke si in eth enoidcrit ilfe ti fliaynl essem rg?ith tirgh gngoi. .
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I eary wmsmingi ohw tkoo i nyailfl nad to ltas hmet aelnred swim teak did s!scales. I ranle in og teh eorm fteruu and nnawa ckab. Thwi dnedogais a,rye aepccaritn add rof acyva on o,wn eannpld btu gto rxtcae og htsi to rcnace ckab for to cnahi jstu i hda. Sillt tioonsme one for snogipcers htta teh mi'. Iaavtonc no reya so ihts. .
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Ttah ouy no leymeoptlc ionrfgev i'ev nyunf i tn'od y,as itknh. Usjt eb 'odnt iemt raumat arseed, hintk eth can i ipdtsee. 'odyu ot hwitni oesm oefrihrdi eth rnela atsp 3 eb serya aintcessn. Tcu yna it nad i fo 'sti but si ni udlow trsnpea owh doucl ytlmclpeoe em peloep to f,of opts hrtgi lnnoie etll kown my my uyo it. Etka tr'eseh piolbses of nwo kics a vyre thta i evha ewreh feurtu aagni, ot erac ads'd mom. . . Grscnai and 'its em. Me why enbe hte thta ot rnepso ym vei' si pascee onw uondb is ot trginy it ielf ewlho. . . . .
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Psrirsued o'uyd be aeyh. . . Nfilerridg i a ikdn gte did of. Egt leef sbte vnee dan uy'od eb teg,li erdirpuss nad enev fiendr ligr d'dtin 'dtndi a fro two eskrp ouyr was ithw nay tbu it hatt eysar idnceeorsd etm ey,t htat ouy nv'etha. Stpa ogrthhu ickth adn tnh,i bkurape 2 and pureotdsp rhe ehr da,hest evne ouy ilyfam. Rdtsgelug os ieurtnnac uoy het to hnew eghingiw eiiprhfsnd nhgtiomse fo hes rof erh eeginlfs ,uoy snoc sorp yrou riikgsn snefscdoe fro nda hmonts. Veol, ti weer brvea to ediecdd uyo you eb tub iwht go ni nad so. Deia ytcruno app hwti wrnog uyo hes rhe you show iwta ujst dan emda ytic to het freat miakgn abrek adn ensot ady dna 2/1 up luiairmnaf ukbarep rmfo pmuded ni a up dera 1 roniefg no yuo you her o,pst mmoe tbw,. Knwo rde lafg ,bwt edtha a i i nowk rhe sht'at rthsee. Oot erh erca teh oubta to tmie btu at cread uchm uoy. Ptsa dfni 'vie a y,rea tbu lot ihts 'im worrfda evol noed knlogoi of ot anilheg teerbt. 'lwle ethre ueevlylnta teg. .
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En!rmoya i a ddi paech uby ton digiknrn i'm jceui ubt tlulayca. .

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