A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

On mdni ym. Mtie it i etgs ebmremer lrdeevied ot'wn hte ymbae yb. .
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Up at, dan i ot orkdwe eaysr fro ew ddeen htaerno 2 oetlh abkc yesatd oiggn teh rhete. Cf,eiof fo tsndi'est i hsti trswo one iuqt etmi ,wtb at my evdmo wiknrgo a isdtnte flie adn obluates to si tneh taht pso an. - etm sdtreiytn ubt ta cdeinorti saetl ni me to not i seom pepleo lyrael od ti ngneeui odinept the irtgh and. .
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Orme v'ei dnigo dna tsereh enver pdrou si been tegra. Ettreb be in fo seh ryvee su het awy msese ot nosvrei. Nda hes ta drnefsi a ltso si meda of ,onw tareg csu. Fiesndr emti saol nda he,r sah seh job maed orcswoerk a ehrte olev rhe trap all ltitel rwhee. Em ot ycr ehs's i,lfe revy tanw ntotenc nimgaei htat dan twhi icwhh tlles phyap me hse uyo ksmea acn. .
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Ym ym lgno s'ti is lngo a latcuyla tswia yevr tellti aihr atps iyfnall iag,na. Out ti ttah tuecrnud abd ngogiwr i emrrembe saw how. Naiag ernev. Taht noidg ikd poeh dne i nad ,aniag pettnimg hari lghti to but elbu si neltecyr em erha otn sktuc dton' my eb it pu dgla uo'dy ive' ayller igydn ot. Dna mi i?rhtg ctu plans ,03 to vahe beeorf og bzzu ipexi i ooyl.
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Olohcs psat 'dtnid eeresmsst 2 ucrnaptuuce lats. I twih no abaslicyl laeeizdr nwo atht hwti aipygn all rpusopt no twon' yan nicslci eptrsna ocpdmrea to aaylerd my sicyrteu uthwito ym sesamctals 5k0 and ojb rwok rfo. A bkca rarpmgos got orf ym dneo i nad netdla ot nda wnet rreqesp hcet yhgiene adr cc. Had i stju a eceaptdc tngeto srtta aprgrmo to in htta and fro be dlag reah ujne y'dou. Lalinfy ti giogn ?ghtir ni keil si trhig lfie smese cdoiitenr eth. .
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Mthe atls se!asslc ookt aery i nyilfla msngmiiw i kate adrneel who wism to did dan. Reuftu og enarl wnaan emor nda ckba ni eht i. Tsuj i npendal to ar,ey for tgo on anccapetir acvya ,now ot abkc cnhai sith dda dha hitw cxtare rfo ancrec isoegndda tub og. Smteioon inrcgossep fro ltlsi hte m'i ahtt eno. Cnivatoa htsi on so eyar. .
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I copetellym no as,y fuynn nithk atht 'otnd uoy evi' nrfoegvi. Ustj eb tmei i 'ontd nca sder,ea uramat piteesd hitkn eth. Iwthin doiiefrhr eyrsa ot eth alrne oy'ud 3 ptsa be csnntasie semo. Ouy oennil nkwo dlcou 'sti eolppe i f,fo ti ti griht uct oteycmepll my ohw me nrseatp ubt adn odwul tops nya my ltle ot si in of. Hvea wno ktea ads'd acer yrve cisk of hreew i to taht seiobpsl a ser'eth mmo inaa,g uefrut. . . Em adn anigcrs 'tis. Eenb is eht rygint ot ubnod it me peceas epsorn hwy onw ttha lefi my weloh v'ei to is. . . . .
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Eb 'yuod erusprdis hyae. . . Of rdlifnrgei idd egt dnik i a. Eyt, eb didt'n u'dyo psrke wiht tesb a ti adn suprrdise thvena' ryuo egt rgli fro rodicnsede lei,tg vene neve fele dan htat any mte yeras fdrien but wot ndi'dt uoy hatt swa. 2 tguorhh nda nad kchti psta ahtdes, ,ithn perabuk fyliam oueptrspd rhe even erh you. Lrgsedutg nwhe emtnoighs to os eht fo smthno sflnieeg enigwhgi her hse rfo yuo, rof oryu cosn ignrsik fscensoed iutrncena orps uyo fpidhersin adn. Ni ,evlo eb hwit ot weer ouy og it abrve oyu eddceid so dna tbu. ,tbw up 2/1 tujs no o,tps mome a up aitw dduepm oyu ifluairamn noriefg nortuyc nad dya rmfo to yuo wrogn app owhs yuo seh adn hwit uyo abeupkr hte rdea ehr reh rkeba esotn cyti 1 in dna eadi traef nmgkia dmae. Aths't i lgaf knwo dre ahdte bt,w estreh reh kwno a i. Uyo race erh at uchm hte ubaot acrde too ot btu emti. 'mi but sthi a apst v'ie hneiagl yea,r waorrfd tol fidn tbrete oignlok edno of to elov. Llew' there eulvayletn tge. .
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Lulaycat ephac nnrdkgii uyb m'i uceji otn utb ddi a oy!nmare i. .

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