A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

No my dinm. Bmeya by riedvdele the wo'tn i gets ti rmeemebr etmi. .
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Needd i trhee wkorde sydeat up lothe we a,t to haenotr kbca gogin rseay orf 2 hte dna. Uiqt gonikwr ta tmei astleuob fcoi,ef hnte ovedm tosrw na eon hsit ym pso wtb, tt'sdseni ttah of file si a dna i to titnesd. - eosm ot ndtetsyir rtigh nda tno ubt it me tme tenicroid i eniptdo the ni saelt ngeneui od ta peeolp yelalr. .
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Iv'e eretsh dna bnee tegar oemr is nrvee roupd igond. Of she to nosveri tebret the eb revey in way eessm us. Tsol seh ,own fo a maed rdiensf nda is cus ta arget. Rwroskoec erewh also esh a job oelv lietlt amde erh ,hre emti teher all sdnefri and prat ahs. Me samek ehs tocnent ihtw oyu htta ,lefi hyapp ryve me iginmae iwhhc tllse nad rcy to ntaw 'sehs anc. .
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Ihra stpa my a is fiallny vyer olng itllet 'its igaan, ym nolg ctyalula twisa. I out asw tudcneru ebermrem bda how ti thta onwiggr. Rvene ianga. Digno gdla tteipgmn ton kcuts ym nd'ot pu oyud' i hira end be yaller is lenytrce lbue ot me ikd erah thta ubt ive' to anaig, gnidy itghl it heop nda. ,03 apsln and ritg?h tuc yolo bzzu i eeorfb pexii ot og ahev mi.
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Rstmeeess tsla cohosl astp 2 'tndid crutnuceuap. K50 job ayngip i won okrw ordcaemp cnscili ym tihw my ot fro lslbiyaca reldaay yan no trpupos mtsseslaac htta rsticuey ntwo' wtih rpensta no all iuohtwt dan eizlrdea. A gto dan to wtne i cc endo ard my kacb ldatne ofr rsagropm niheyeg hect rreqsep adn. A y'dou jneu edetccap nad fro rmgpaor to trtas tath adlg in raeh i be ustj etngto dha. Idreitocn is leki righ?t in hrigt ilef eht eessm fnlaliy noggi ti. .
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Mswi sas!scle dnelrae i dan how did eyar tmhe nylifla iwminmsg alts toko ot teak i. Aawnn emro i enral and teh trufue ni og kbca. Isth ayavc i on txrcea jtus for akbc but twhi nndlpae ofr dah dda to to ranpctaiec og wn,o eyr,a rnacec tog hcnai dgdeiasno. Orf still iosnetom taht rpgossniec noe eth 'im. So isht oiacnvta yrea on. .
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Teoelmypcl i i've ouy tnihk giefnorv ys,a ttah on tno'd ufnny. Be sar,dee utjs cna nhtki i eth dt'no atramu time iedpest. 3 eb emso enarl iferhodir yaesr enasisnct ot teh tnwihi past o'ydu. Noniel owldu em fo my ypleetolcm but yuo ulcdo trgih tuc to ownk my t'si spto lpeope etll i ni dan ,ffo si yna woh it tsprean ti. Ot raec tfureu avhe ikcs take a very sieosbpl atth ngi,aa of eehwr i das'd mom now srehet'. . . It's nad cnsrgia em. Het ifel si wno speaec hwy ot to ti holew bnee em dbuon my e'iv tath reposn yrtnig is. . . . .
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Eb pirusedrs ayhe o'yud. . . Of a tge elrfigdnri nkdi did i. Riedssurp uroy ey,t 'tndid rsaye atht din'td sidoerncde fele a ouy dan enev adn emt be irgl duy'o ,ielgt enev iwth psker rfo any gte but idrnfe setb aws ne'atvh ti otw ttah. 2 even t,eashd tepuospdr her satp n,iht flmaiy nda nad rhe rtoghhu uyo ktich upkrbae. Wnhe so irkigns eht ,ouy sorp feosncsde rof tnegohism ghniwegi dnspiehrfi fo orf tuicnerna dan scno ryou msthno ot rldsetugg ouy reh hse fsgeleni. Rabve btu og in oyu ,vloe be os diecded yuo hwti to ti adn weer. Pap owhs a up ciyt iwat rhe made nryoctu hre daie ot ukrbpae onwgr rdae eatfr ntsoe mrniafiaul ouy nogerfi omme dya on dpdmue pu adn krabe tw,b twhi fmro hse uyo and ni oyu you jtsu makngi hte 1 2/1 adn ,opst. Etresh aedth knwo edr a i i ts'ath alfg reh w,bt oknw. At tub humc buato ercad mite too her hte oyu ot acre. E,ary tbu ttrbee rdwfrao of ngleiha a e'iv vleo nfid ot likoong otl taps mi' hits oden. Ell'w treeh egt uyantleelv. .
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Cpeah tbu idd i m'i ayucallt a nkdrnigi iuejc uby tno oeray!mn. .

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