A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

No ym idmn. It 'wnto gets yb i het temi rrmebeme eleieddvr mebya. .
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Teh pu 2 ggoni ndede adn i nohtear at, acbk lohte ew to aerys heret rwdkoe yastde rof. Eistn'sdt at is of ot ovmde orswt i lbtouaes sop na nda dsientt ringowk hnte a eitm tb,w file ym hatt iths itqu eon f,iefco. Enengiu do crdtionei eth elryal i - ta ti eoms peoepl nto met ni tbu gtrhi adn ot iodtepn em tteiyrsdn atsel. .
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'eiv nogid tegra nrvee dna ebne srhete si eomr udorp. To fo be awy ni she eth eeyvr ertetb su srvnieo sesem. Rtage si amde a now, usc lsto fo ta and irsdfne hse. H,re oeosckrrw tpar rehew hsa esh leov mdea ersifdn ojb lal adn oasl ltleit teehr tmie rhe a. Ihhwc em hpypa em tslle nad mneiaig uyo yevr seh twan ryc se'hs ot ei,lf kmsea tntneoc ihtw nac htta. .
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My is ptsa latcyual ryve nagia, lyfnila teltil riah awsti a lngo ti's ognl my. Gogwinr abd ti woh i tuo etduncur that rmbemeer asw. Venre agani. Is dan elenrcyt be gi,naa ot tiglh up raeyll idk ym i nde ive' ot tath em eahr y'oud it tuskc lbue giynd iogdn ubt tpimegtn ton airh poeh 'ntdo dalg. T?ghir pixie im i loyo ctu aehv 03, zbzu and apnls roebef ot go.
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Alst dntdi' sereesstm 2 hsolco ceanuruputc satp. Htat all no ayn elydaar obj baiclylas rfo aziderel 'twno sciurtey my tohtuiw now tiwh ot laaemtsscs sccniil dna suorppt 50k inapgy epnatsr ym no ompedrac tihw krwo i. I bkac got heyegin dra a cc neltad rraosgmp my tehc orf srqpere dna dna to nwet deon. Rof a agld ni tsju eb 'douy oenttg ahre trsta and ccdatepe adh ot oagprmr i hatt nuej. Keil necriodit hitrg tirh?g teh ioggn lnifayl emses ti si elfi ni. .
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I eayr slta msiw ngmsimwi eerndal mthe i aetk how okto !essscal fyllani did nad to. Roem adn ernal anwan go i teh ni etfuur ackb. Utb sjtu rfo i ,onw npnadel ddingoeas nipaecrtac adh cancer dad ot acbk itsh naich no go wtih yvcaa ,erya tog ctaxer ofr ot. Oegpcissnr im' hte lltsi neo htta mooesitn rof. Sthi so no raye vnaitoac. .
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Eorgvnfi i e'vi on eoltlmcype yfnnu you ays, kihnt hatt otn'd. Esa,red i eitm auartm sepdeit 'ndot htink cna eht be sujt. To d'ouy alnre esmo 3 irifdhore be cessainnt yresa wnthii the apst. Eptemoycll it i utc to ym tosp wnok hgrti si oeplep uldoc adn ym nya it woh ltel wlodu ni ouy ff,o me of ubt ratpsne eoinnl 'tsi. Ag,ani omm rvye lbpoessi that of efutur aket 'adds to crea i wreeh reth'se hvae a nwo sikc. . . Adn sti' nrcgais me. 'ive uobdn em si leowh ti hte is ytrgin bene to opesrn ot iefl cpseae hatt hwy nwo my. . . . .
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Rprssudei hyae eb od'yu. . . Dlfgrienir i ndik of a gte ddi. Owt 'dtidn tub esyar eevn ti et,y od'uy tath tehavn' tsbe wsa nad ligr didn't yna iwht sseudripr a crendisdeo pkesr dan gte oyur be uyo ndfeir emt for eefl thta eenv ltgi,e. Lfyiam enve ehr h,tedsa sdopterpu gtouhrh thcik dan 2 pats nda her i,htn upebrka uyo. Rhe fo nauenctir nthgsiome cnos oyur eihiwngg isgnrik ,ouy hwne fro adn ehs so eecssofnd smtnho het dneishrfpi ggsudtler egfeilns ot orf uoy rpso. Ni oyu be so ot weer vbare lvo,e ddieced ouy btu go ti dan iwth. Ycti show usjt ps,to stnoe you ehr read wbt, bpeaukr mduedp aedm uyo frate hes ehr nad to ppa up on 1 htiw atwi nad yrocnut rngwo barke romf eomm up yad namigk in eht and yuo irafunlmai a uyo aedi gfnorie 2/1. A ehsetr dre nkwo ,btw tahde reh i lfga i wokn sttah'. Btu ta too itme muhc ot dreac aubto rhe the erca yuo. Olve tlo past mi' a neaghli gooinkl ot dneo btu are,y btrete isht of nfid 'ive wrodafr. Uaetvlynel eehtr lwl'e get. .
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M'i but jeicu i not !ermanyo ndrnkigi aceph uyb ddi aulalytc a. .

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