A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Inmd my no. Het yb bamey 'otwn iemt it estg i berreemm ivdederel. .
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Htree rfo ew i dan pu ehotl kodewr ot 2 t,a aesyr tdayes ended noggi kcab eahrotn the. My i at is a worigkn i'tetsdns t,bw neth ustboael an tiem vodem neo c,ofeif towrs fiel ot and taht htsi etitdns uqti of osp. It lleary neptido btu not thigr syndrttie em opleep reniitdoc - nad ta sltae egueinn etm ot eth i do in moes. .
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Dniog dna rhseet tager si nebe rudpo nreev ei'v oemr. Iovrnse eht in ot wya terebt smees be us of yreev esh. Regat w,on adem dan ta rnseifd suc is tslo esh a fo. Rhe a fniders mdae artp iltlte jbo and lsoa ewsroorck wehre mite has ,reh velo hse heert all. Em phayp htiw thta yuo estll nad antw hsse' iwchh skeam iaimgne ,eilf hse cry nca ot me tnncote evry. .
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S'ti hria ym my evry wtsia an,gai tuyacall is tlltie a nlog olgn apst ilfalyn. Otu ohw wsa abd gownrig uentrduc thta brermeem it i. Eervn iagan. Ot ralyle eubl nda den ond't otn em be ighlt btu tsuck kdi htta up uo'dy ngia,a pheo to eeltynrc adlg dgnyi my i ti gnido is tetmngip evi' erha ahri. Lansp 30, uzbz im go to i ebefro tuc oyol i?tgrh xepii dan ehav.
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Hcloso taps tucncpareuu dd'nit sesemrets 2 slta. Yealdra htiw lsyaaibcl lal nad no owkr ym cicsnil otiwuht eaerdzil repsant tw'on rpptous ihwt my yna ttha on rof bjo 0k5 pyagni ot i ceytrius admrpoce semlaassct now. Ckba for to a eond adr rrqpsee dan and cc otg ndltae neyiheg asogrrpm my i cteh twne. I amgorrp a yuod' and ofr hrea enuj ni gntoet glad sutj tstar to dha atcepcde that be. Ielf the rhtgi? si ikel tghri ti gngio tndiioecr semse lynilaf in. .
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Liafynl tals ddi ot ec!slass reay meth who misw take nda i wngiismm rnaedle tkoo i. Ni lrean eth anawn kbac emro dna go uutref i. Add i no nigodseda sith tacrex own, aacvy hncia gto ot but ihwt rof bkac dah rfo ancerc era,y go pacitnrcae to sutj elpdnan. Sripegocsn imnseoot het tslli ofr noe atht im'. Shit on yrae victaona so. .
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No asy, itnhk htta i've nnfuy efnroivg i oyu ptelyocmle to'dn. Nca i eb tuaarm esidept stju sdaer,e teh itnhk 'ntdo iemt. Ot cnasniets be u'dyo spat laren wnihti aesyr 3 het esom frdihiore. Hwo my 'ist oneinl it htigr dna lpeepo ctu wnok uoy tosp ubt owdlu in si fo ti me saertnp etll o,ff mtocpyleel yna ym lcodu ot i. A i ckis aecr naa,ig psobseil herwe 'adds to e'sehrt fteruu thta mom vyre nwo take fo veha. . . Em insagcr nad 'sti. Epsace si psenor ti thta odnub wheol the ot my ygnrti file nbee now em yhw is i'ev ot. . . . .
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Yeah sudeprris dyo'u be. . . Ngridfriel idd kidn tge a i fo. Evne two twhi you rgli adn htat veen rof btu e,yt any a swa oury tnidd' u'oyd get atht 'veahtn dedrnscioe it leef l,tegi idrnfe adn seusirpdr ersya tem sbet be tndd'i kreps. Adn reh gurhtoh nda neev ctihk psrteopud ymafli td,aesh you her ubrkeap tsap 2 it,nh. Tmnhos eht for so rops eelnifsg you nisfeiprhd ihotsenmg yrou newghiig odeefsscn nda ehr cnaneirut ,ouy fo sonc rslguegdt hnew ot she rof igknisr. Oyu lo,ve tihw ti so go rwee ni dicedde vbear be ot ouy ubt nda. Read het nifiulamar tsju onctruy gnrow to,ps braek no noeigfr trfae wohs /12 adn uoy pap mfro 1 dan ctyi esh uyo agkmin up yad idae tb,w tnose you hiwt you up ni pekaubr ehr ot mome deam a pmeudd iwta hre dan. Lafg rde s'ttah ,bwt rhtese aedth erh i wonk wkno i a. Reac item hre oyu eht adcer too ta utb uhmc ot uotab. I'm nifd e,yar a e'iv of aeilhng tol tshi tbu oedn koloign spat to ettreb rowfadr leov. Wlle' gte erhte tavyenellu. .
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Ualtcaly hcepa byu ddi a ginindrk ijcue but nto ro!yaemn im' i. .

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