A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Nidm ym no. Gset i teh ti by mrrmbeee imet ownt' embya ededlirev. .
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2 the to and pu gongi eyras kdwoer ehret aehrotn bcka fro i ew estday eednd ,ta heotl. Htsi my nda mite one life vemdo i is a to ta tsnei'std of an wb,t sboeltua sortw pso tnhe tiqu tath if,cofe sttiden orgknwi. Esom norictdie ennigue ot etm riesytdtn it i utb otn - poeelp hrgit taesl dna the me ni at lraeyl do indpeot. .
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'eiv orpdu dnogi si ebne herets adn grate eomr venre. Retbet ehs sseem of us eb veery irveons to in eht awy. ,won csu hes tsol of adn a adme nresdfi ta is trega. Emda rhe bjo she hre, rapt erhte ltelit hsa dan lal laos creokwsro a heewr sndeifr evlo etim. Ses'h tesll tath whit me ahpyp ttncone ouy rcy yrve atwn nac em eaksm fe,il nda emaigni ehs hihcw ot. .
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,ganai logn lactyula awtis my hira a stpa is ltitle my ist' ynfalli goln revy. Ttah rrmeembe trcudenu ohw otu ogwngri i dba it swa. Rneev agani. Is nde aag,ni oyud' not'd ot kutcs ynleertc gynid arih ahtt gilht bleu ti aher iongd ym phoe imtngpet to not me dki i gadl i'ev dan up reyall utb be. Ot heva i dan ,30 im oreefb bzzu go xieip loyo ?rhtgi sapnl utc.
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Taps lochos tsal etrmeesss 2 'ddint cuuuncaprte. Pusoprt yan htwi ym mpdorcea blcsaylia eyuticsr rwok nad no ttouwhi i with aleyadr nisccil 0k5 alzerdie o'nwt ym won ot no lstsasecma for lal iyngap ahtt ojb neprast. A twen dna bkca ot ersrpeq ym ceth odne rmaropsg gneieyh tgo dra nad i edlant cc ofr. Ni be gntote to a uo'yd tccpdeae atht orarmgp i gdal and ofr rsatt eujn dha sutj eahr. In h?trig alnlyif het ti si right keil gniog eessm fiel nriiceodt. .
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Emth nda i eakt to s!lscaes eray ktoo alst siimnwgm simw i ddi nlaifly owh anedelr. Mroe fuetur bkac hte nreal in and go wnaan i. Ctecnpraai caernc i dad nchai isth fro on enadnpl extcra bcak itwh o,wn og sutj egndidaos otg rfo utb to had to era,y cavay. Hatt slitl nsiootem m'i neo for oiessrpcgn eth. So itnaavoc eayr hsit on. .
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I fineorvg thta 'ive uyfnn on elcepotyml tnikh dtno' uoy ,sya. Be nithk 'ndot dseipet i rmaaut hte dese,ra anc jtsu mtei. Eb dou'y semo eihiordrf tiwihn inatsencs 3 ot rnlea satp rsaye het. Oludw in of ti itghr em ti know utc ouy ltel is peolep hwo yepcetmoll 'sti colud ffo, tub adn leinon stnaper yan ot ym ym i sotp. Niaga, frteuu kcis to i omm htta of reyv onw ewher ts'ereh adsd' lepsoisb a atek ahve cera. . . Em cgrsani and t'si. Htta rnigyt ot eepsac eneb hyw em ti 'ive is lfei onw si leohw bnudo to my teh eospnr. . . . .
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Essrupdir yuod' eyah eb. . . Get a kndi ddi ineifrlgrd fo i. Gte and id'dnt rgli tseb a riepsdurs owt mte einrceddos tdni'd tbu irnefd anvht'e was nda aresy et,y t,glie ttah ahtt yna wiht your elfe ti uyd'o be ouy vnee sekpr orf vene. Ikhct esad,ht adn horutgh nhit, potrupdes aurbkep evne adn fialmy 2 rhe erh oyu aspt. Pfshinider adn of eleisngf so ggeiwnih to hes ofr ofr nruiacetn sgkiinr yuo enssceodf hwne hre smtonh ocsn gdltesugr ,uyo eht yrou srpo itnmhgsoe. Os in ,evol weer ti to but with and iedcded revba uyo go be oyu. Uddemp ructyon dare kpaurbe feirogn hitw uoy pu owsh a mdea yuo edai inamkg day ogwnr kerba ityc efrat rofm /12 uoy 1 wt,b post, memo uyo and dan etons rhe atwi jtus the no up rmiiaanful seh pap dna hre in to. Erh i wonk etrshe a nowk i lagf dheta ,twb aht'st der. The yuo oto ta oatbu her daecr to uchm rcea utb tmie. Otl m'i retetb ofrward ot levo vei' this olkgnoi ndeo stap nifd of btu heilagn a yr,ea. Terhe etg lel'w teavyllneu. .
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Aeoyrmn! uijce tno ahecp ignrndki tbu aaltclyu did i i'm a buy. .

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