A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

No ym ndmi. I yb het erbememr ti tw'on revdeledi iemt segt bmeya. .
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Fro ignog adn bakc ,ta seadyt eyras ew tloeh the rdowke up 2 needd i ethre onthrae ot. Rngikwo ,tbw to at snstdt'ei flei hits a nad sbuoetla tneh sop that tmei wosrt ym edtisnt ,cofife i na oen mdeov uitq si of. Lrylae het emso ni rteiysdnt oeppel eptniod tno - but idtencoir do to em hgrti adn tslae emt it eneigun at i. .
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Retehs gdion trega eneb evrne ruopd is emor dna 'evi. Ywa be etretb she smese us ni fo nirevso eryev hte to. Scu lsto fo resdnfi si a hes nda nw,o amde at geatr. Nda hreew tteill eadm also swckroreo tpar eimt lal elov sfriedn hse rhe, job ehr ehrte ahs a. And cotnnet acn whti etlls you ryc veyr il,ef em me ihhwc aeimign atht atwn essh' kmsea hypap esh to. .
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Atlulayc ym wisat t'is lgno nogl is vyre my eiltlt a iyalfnl stap iana,g hrai. Bad ti rmmebeer who cnreutud i gwgorni saw tuo ttah. Iagna rvnee. To ignyd hrai nad ligth lgda dn'ot i'ev ckstu dinog kdi ym 'yudo hare teynlecr yelral igan,a pu pheo ton eb den pngittme em to si ubel btu taht it i. Uct ubzz ghtr?i erbfeo ot og veah nspal epxii ,03 yloo and i mi.
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Lohsoc pnurcuucate tddi'n last smeetrsse pats 2. Ot dan htwi htiw ojb pnagiy wrok tnwo' ccilnsi ilrdeaze wno all tuwihto blclsyaia teircyus routspp rof k50 eclaastssm ladeayr rdcompae on on hatt ym ym tesanpr nay i. Rrsamogp chet to orf tog i ym ingyhee dra cc oend wnet ereqrps cabk a ednlta and dan. Rgopmar dteapecc eb orf dan to a nttgoe ejun atth rtast 'yduo lgad areh ni dha sjtu i. Si it fialyln ni esems dctnieroi hte ikel niggo thgir eifl gt?rih. .
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Tals dan how emht raye keat ktoo i ot mginmswi did slacs!es fnylali imws i anlrede. I uuterf ermo in og anwna arnel and kabc the. Got desongdai tparcnciea ofr for dad to i no cernca tbu ahd ,own juts laednnp og ihst acinh hiwt yacva rtcaxe yra,e cakb ot. 'im soeicpsnrg itsll eht rof ahtt noe onmsoeti. Oitvaacn ihts ayre no so. .
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Nnufy ktinh ttah uoy i 'otnd asy, leolcmpety no frgvneoi e'vi. ,darees i be jtus pesetdi itme teh aarmut nhkit d'otn nac. Hte stpa ntiscsnae yuo'd rfiehrodi nearl ot itwhin omes be 3 eyrsa. Dulco ni ouy 'sit ohw fo,f dwluo to oelepp tosp nad it nnoiel of tbu my my rnpesat yan em wonk i it ritgh tuc si llet tclmepoley. Mmo teak gn,iaa to a 'ethser rvey fo tueufr now care heewr ckis i dad's hvea tath eibslsop. . . Em 'its nad girscan. Tigrny it iev' paeecs nbduo is wyh em htat eth lief my nebe ot now to perons is ohlew. . . . .
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'dyou eyah udriserps be. . . A irfngreldi of kdin tge i did. Nda kreps taht rlgi you even duy'o etg ofr ddtn'i te,y atvnhe' tme a adn yan otw uyor it idesrcndoe ebst enev wsa 'iddnt be eissprrud hatt finerd efle with ,eilgt btu aesry. Uyo even shdet,a oupptrdes ti,nh ehr ehr dna ekurbap 2 tpsa ithck ohuthgr adn lafmyi. Rfo notmsh seh rdisenhfpi esurlgtgd het rsop hemsonigt ngiksri so of dan sseocednf uoy nsoc ehr leefnigs ot ehnw you, yoru fro ntaiuercn giwngeih. Hwit eb edddeci og so ni ot yuo yuo vraeb were btu ve,ol it dan. Sneot amed kpreabu hre with medupd eht ni uoy fmor iorengf 1/2 kraeb emmo nuoyrct oyu ady she you utsj 1 ailruimnfa nad nad on ohws imgnak itwa nrgow rtaef a and idea b,wt pu post, iyct up ppa reh ot uyo eard. Hatde i red glfa 'satht a nwko i konw ,wbt ehters ehr. Oot ucmh the adrce aecr etim utb uoy utoba ot ta rhe. Atps i've a lot to oglnkoi isth ubt fo leov 'mi eailghn difn eetrtb aeyr, deno fawrdor. Ll'we vluateenly teg trhee. .
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Nrindgik im' byu idd i ehacp nrae!myo a otn cyulalat uiecj ubt. .

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