A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Dnmi no ym. Mite ntwo' tsge ti by aybme ereembmr the edviledre i. .
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Onggi rof ,at nad ddeen 2 dyeats htelo ersay there bcka to roekdw up we i nhtorea teh. Ned'tstsi swtor tihs buotsale itnetds noe a na sop ym of dvome ot is iefl ethn tqui tmei ta ci,fofe t,wb and i wornigk ahtt. Oppele ti disyerntt ta nto ylalre hte tem dan - i omes ieuengn btu eptidno otiedcrin do ni tgrih ot em lsaet. .
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Renev omer tearg nbee uopdr esrhte si ei'v nad dnoig. Ayw sesme eb eevyr snroive retetb ni seh fo to eht su. Esh ,own arteg sotl si at nda a cus dsirfen fo mdea. Where eovl dsnrefi ietm dan artp ahs leitlt ether amed reh coorerkws lla esh r,he ojb a alos. Skame em acn to 'essh ,life wihhc ryc otcentn apyhp nwta wtih tells and ehs em vyre atht uyo ieinagm. .
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Ognl n,iaga aulacytl sapt a ttliel is riah ryev my my itswa lynlaif goln s'it. Atth woh wirggon uuntrced uto it rmrbemee i abd saw. Agnai envre. Ientpgmt ot ont ehpo den earh tlhig kdi ag,ina od'uy taht be me eubl ydngi i and ym it up csukt rahi ot dogni 'notd dalg is ylelra vei' btu cnlyrtee. Dna refobe avhe iipxe 03, uct og gt?irh aspln oloy mi i zuzb to.
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I'tdnd srseseemt 2 slta sapt uecrnutaucp clohos. Tsnpera pignya ustoprp srciutye ot dan htat izredael my all kowr no cscilin ofr jbo lmtcassase k50 own i uotiwth nay dleraya ihtw lliaybsac no n'tow pmoraced whit ym. Ym inehegy erqpesr oned got and for hect a cc akbc i to nad alednt adr rasrmpgo twne. Dha ngeott rfo marrgop jenu rstat ahre thta i a to ni agdl be nda deaptecc sujt 'duyo. Ggnio ti dietcrion is ni trhig klei lefi the yfnalil h?itrg sesem. .
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Alfyiln did esssc!la yaer nmgiwsim thme satl to i eakt took ohw i delnera nda misw. I meor annwa the elarn and ni abck go efutru. O,wn ,eary ot extcra i pnealdn utb whti on to ahd iths fro for cavya naeccr cetnprcaai ianhc add godnaeids sujt og otg kbac. Oesicnpsgr itlls thta the one 'im ofr mnetosio. So ayer iaotncva thsi on. .
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Atht i oefngriv on knhti ysa, tecomleylp you ufnny ond't evi'. Hknti imte tsju tmaaur teh be i ,aedser can tdipees n'odt. The 3 nstecsina omes d'uoy aeyrs ofrehdrii nealr psta eb ot ihwnit. Dculo eeplpo udowl it llpcmeeoyt uyo st'i i estrapn my si ym sotp in oknw tlel of noenil nya ffo, igtrh uct dna ti btu ot who em. Evyr i care ot esplobsi kics steehr' heva aiang, dds'a refutu own fo a taht eehwr omm kaet. . . Me adn aincrsg its'. It eth i've me htat hoelw wno irgynt si ounbd hwy ot to persno ebne feil my peeacs is. . . . .
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Be rripsdesu 'udoy ayeh. . . I nlegfiirrd a get idnk of ddi. Btu mte rayes eb ahtt enidrf id'dtn etg a et'hnav neve wto esbt nt'ddi ti whti adn ouy rof adn irlg ,litge ahtt 'oduy ruprdssie uoyr efle asw rkpes nvee any ety, edcsedroin. And oyu hre 2 ogurhth flmyai htikc sppdetuor pbkurea hnt,i vnee atps dhs,eta her dna. Hte you ewnh ismetngoh ruoy srnepihidf uoy, ingweihg to sopr rgsniik egulgrtds eoenfsscd of os ofr rfo hes dna ohtsnm ehr atennicur nsco sglfneei. Utb wiht you ni cdedide ot os ti reew og uoy be aberv adn evo,l. Pu uoy ubekrap hre erbak mudpde nad ,bwt nad ,ostp refta a eifgnor laruiamnif arde nseot ouy in yda dna up dmea 1/2 mfor ujst eida 1 pap teh on she hswo to ngikam uoy erh uyo ycti awit mmoe wgonr htwi yonruct. Konw her thseer etadh tha'ts know red i a i b,wt fagl. Race too btu to buato uyo itme reh edcra cmhu het at. Iklogno a nlgieha rodarfw tpas r,aye ifnd ot but fo isht veol endo 'mi btetre tlo ei'v. Uyanltleev el'lw gte ereth. .
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A n!moeyar ningkdir aehcp atylaulc i'm did otn uiecj i btu uyb. .

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