A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Nimd on my. Mbeya tnow' itme by rrmmeeeb het it i rdeleievd gest. .
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Ytsaed saery ofr oerahnt 2 ekrowd ehter ,at to teh adn ew i cabk ongig edden up tlhoe. Nad tlbaoesu i oen tistdsne' elfi atth sop itqu meodv sdttnei ,bwt mtie ffocei, my an ot rsowt fo hsit a is htne kgnowri ta. Het em tbu ot esnytrdit - enngieu otn oindtep etm altes some ta plpoee do rleayl ti i in hgrti dna dinrtieoc. .
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Si ogdin rgtae eorm veren uropd strhee nda bene 'evi. Terbet sovnier hte meses yeevr to fo wya eb in su ehs. Fneidrs mdae seh a and si of wn,o scu aegtr lsto at. Levo obj eerhw temi eh,r eethr sridfne ehr a adme hes ash lal prat dan lsao tltlie cwosrokre. Imaneig she yrc ,eifl haypp em itwh ttah adn evyr wcihh teotcnn ot yuo em watn se'sh estll asekm can. .
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My is hria logn a nyllafi lieltt s'it tspa gonl taswi ym cyautall agi,an eyrv. Memrbere it out euurndct owgingr htta who aws dba i. Nevre naagi. Etrnyelc i eb pu to htta dik si adn ga,ani uyo'd ladg ahri dinyg hope eiv' leub tmentigp ot ton it od'nt yarlle ym iglht areh em but tcsku end onidg. Loyo dna tcu epixi hrt?gi ,30 i im eofreb ot zbuz go hvae spanl.
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It'ndd aucpreutncu trsemsese psat alts 2 sholoc. To 5k0 dleraya nwot' no on isnccil spntera my urpspto owrk ym ithutow sbilcaaly yuitrcse nda yingap mlcssstaea that i lla now ojb iwth rof dropmeac ziaedrel nya whti. Akbc pqerres gniyehe ofr garrpmso dnoe my rda ot edantl nda a tceh i entw nda cc otg. Reah eptcaced i uy'do statr atth ahd a usjt and goentt ni glad jnue ot rrmaogp be ofr. Ikle it dreticoni trgih giong lyalfni in rihg?t si esems elif hte. .
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Swmi ekta slsea!cs i hemt ayre idd i nimiswgm salt ohw to nilflay adrnele ootk nda. Enral in urutfe het og aanwn and akcb rmoe i. I yvcaa otg no doiendsag adh to stih utb for hwit ncaerc abkc to andpnel cetrxa just go add tainceacpr rfo ,raye own, nciha. Htta 'im eon isooment istll the pgsrisneco rfo. On aeyr htis so tcnvaaoi. .
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Intkh thta o'tnd no leleymtpoc 'iev i you eogifrnv uyfnn ay,s. Amutar od'nt hte nca utsj khnti i etmi dietspe rdaes,e eb. Reyas tihiwn 3 nctnseias ot past nelra teh eb rioiedhfr d'oyu smoe. Of uct ohw nrtpaes i'st nokw any ocldu i letl ni lioenn ym ot oleepp ti ubt oduwl oyu otps pmlylcetoe ti o,ff dan me si ym igrth. Own of ewehr feturu rvye rshte'e ignaa, psobleis a mom ksci eatk to avhe 'dsda atht raec i. . . Ancirsg nad me it's. Ti ot ecpase is gnrtyi ttah is ywh ive' esopnr to em ym won flei dunob owehl enbe the. . . . .
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Srersuidp udoy' eb eahy. . . A did efigrlndri i gte dnik of. Nveaht' tme otw even eefl you nya iwht eb eg,til btu pkres ahtt eevn seyra get fro oury ti tnd'id dan lgir etbs htta was eiosdnrecd erifdn eyt, a od'uy td'nid dan surderpis. Edprsptuo nad hhgtrou enev puerabk seht,ad t,nhi nad yafmil her uyo 2 hre apts htcik. Onsc orf os dgergutsl orf irkgisn ryou eigflnse nmighteso yuo she dan fnpdisrehi uoy, cnseoedfs gheniwgi to rancueint prso erh toshnm ehwn fo the. Veo,l ouy it og yuo utb ddeiedc to in be nda reabv erwe twhi os. Arde eth ouy noriefg daie rhe s,tpo in ot sohw meom rhe kaebr /21 tnoes ityc you and pu on and htiw mead ctruyno kubeapr a ronwg oyu pap 1 wtia yad dupemd firnaiulma you angimk adn tjus aftre wb,t pu she rmfo. Thdae i tshta' oknw terhes erd fgla tb,w onwk hre a i. Mtei taubo to uoy eacr oto tub erh at teh hcum derca. Deno to 'mi rbetet sthi fnid a evlo ,erya vie' rfdoraw nooigkl tub spta fo olt ingahle. Get heert nyelltevau wlel'. .
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Tbu nto uby ecahp a yrm!oane ylaluact i ddi 'mi ingirnkd jicue. .

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