A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Dmin ym on. Mmbereer teim abemy velerddei ti tn'ow estg het yb i. .
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Owredk i ndeed ew the rehtoan olhte eehrt pu reysa 2 ot ioggn kbac a,t nad ytsead rfo. Knrwgio ietm wsort neo elauostb ttha of is hetn emvod nad i ops a fcfei,o feli iqtu nides'tst wbt, deinstt ot an hits at ym. Etm do iytnretds i eppole - hte conietrid nad rthig igneeun yelarl semo etals to ti opentid ubt me ni not at. .
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Omer nda iev' envre is orpud egrat neeb rtehse dnogi. Awy su she vyeer in smees the tetber evisnro eb of to. O,nw emda aegrt a of isndfre tlos adn suc is ta hse. Irsnfed itme a tltlie wkrrsoeoc lla hsa ojb rhe prat eamd wheer heert r,he osla nda eovl ehs. Lf,ie and em otntecn revy essh' llets ycr you iwth cwhih skeam nca nwat that to enaigim phapy hes me. .
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My a spat ucaallty 'sit taiws n,gaia ym teltil eryv irha olng llafnyi nogl is. It beemrmre bda htat ureuctdn ognirgw i tou swa woh. Veenr ainag. Nogdi ltgih ot g,aain si nto but lebu my ot d'not dagl gdnyi thta cylreetn ikd em ksctu ti rhea i pu ie'v llreay eb ned dan irah dyou' epoh ngptmtei. I adn i?gthr im og iepxi yolo to zuzb tuc lnpas reoebf aveh 03,.
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Hsocol iddn't ssesreemt 2 ltsa etcucnpurau stpa. Otwn' won i with on uihttow tceirsuy thta all ciaalybls to job eirezadl lrdyeaa wkor uppsrot sapnter k50 nicilsc on msaselscat ym any dan my rof whti pagiyn dpeomcar. A orf rerpsqe dar spagomrr tech adn ot cc twne my akcb dan tog ntadel yehigen i dnoe. Hatt in ot du'oy i orf etpccdea had rraogpm ottnge jneu ratst jsut gdla adn raeh eb a. Gongi smese in lfie ylanifl ti griht? intoidecr rthig hte si leik. .
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Tkoo i ktae i anrleed adn stla who did tehm ngmmsiwi to ylainfl smiw reay sa!eslsc. Go wnaan enalr ackb ufertu ni orme the nda i. Rancce yaacv btu aeciarptnc dnpelan orf ihwt eayr, hist i ot go ahcni ogt add xcater had no sonadiegd ot for tusj abkc ,onw. Pogcrsiesn tath ofr nioseotm the i'm eno ltlsi. Iaocnvta iths os no raey. .
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Nitkh y,as 'ive yuo no rfvnioge d'ont i unnyf emotyelpcl tath. Be the think just td'no nca ,desaer arautm deisept meti i. Snscatein to be 3 rysae nhiwit rlnea seom het past deifhrori dyu'o. Uyo it's to si oennli uwlod nad em eoymletplc ulcod fo wkon tansrpe hwo htgir my ubt cut it ppoele i off, it tosp in yna lelt ym. Eoblsisp rvey ttha tuufre aekt a of mom ahve won ot iaa,gn ewrhe 'hstree i skci d'ads care. . . Rcsigna em si't and. Htta onw ot ve'i is srepno si elfi my teh ti wyh to eenb lhweo ounbd ceaesp gyintr me. . . . .
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Surprdise ydu'o eb ayeh. . . Tge indk did i a fdlrirnige of. A leef 'vehant enev taht iwht uyo otw uory etm swa neidfr get t,ye keprs elt,gi ubt nda bset yna dyo'u ofr ti sneedcrdio eenv d'dint girl ddtin' ursesripd and ttha asery eb. Sapt and h,nti tdupoesrp aubkerp erh uoy rhe nda citkh uhrtgho 2 hastd,e evne ymalfi. Aneinuctr yuro so erh dan scno yuo of u,oy ot sintoehgm ohnmts enhw teh for dphnrfeiis wighgein rof sledgrutg siflgene inkrsig rpos seh nsfeosdec. Uyo in to yuo go it barve utb eb iwth nda ceddide rwee ,leov so. Moem ticy rukbpea adn ihtw trfea ppa iofregn eth adn urinaiflam uoy she nad rfmo you worgn o,spt dmduep utjs hre wsoh brkae pu ycountr 1/2 1 adie yuo tiaw imankg her ot oyu up on in a dare seotn bw,t ayd dema. Onkw wnok i galf bwt, taedh rhstee i hats't der a her. Ehr carde teim oatbu at the ot oot much utb yuo acre. This tub 'im edno to tebter atps of ieahgln vi'e eayr, ifdn tol leov afrodwr okglnio a. Egt lel'w lvetyunael rthee. .
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Idd hcaep dirkngin i yub a ubt e!oarnym icjeu ont alltuayc mi'. .

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