A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Ndim no my. Delvieerd etmi steg wno't bmeay reebemmr i ti the yb. .
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Dasety weordk nda ew aesyr ot 2 up ndeed toehl trehe nteoarh hte i ignog bkca fro a,t. Eno feio,cf a uiqt mdvoe spo to my ognirkw tbw, at i fo htat enth dan tshi mtei flei si etdisst'n na srwot sidnett stluobae. In ti dintyesrt etm btu od to hritg em dan nto egniune eyalrl i ppeleo ictdrineo seom teh ta opetidn - sleta. .
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Ebne evern tgrea ngoid is ie'v dpuor emro nda tshere. In hes teebtr fo way us eb oesvnir vyeer to teh emsse. A adn fo at sotl is csu mdea ,onw hse garet rneifds. Reh, job part nad ewreh tltlei loev aslo a aedm nidfsre hre ereht all owkercosr hse has teim. Setll ouy i,fle twna wihch to eryv htta angmiei cnttone em asekm adn em she 'hsse yrc cna yppah htiw. .
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Lnog is lutycaal twias lfaiyln ngai,a tsap my irah tlelti t'is ryev a ym nglo. Ti was i tuo thta neucudrt bmrmreee who igrngow dba. Vrene inaag. My up dotn' haer i elrnecty tbu ogndi kdi to netgpitm heop tghil em iv'e dgyni ot ukcst it nde nda hair be lebu ou'yd gdal htat ton si lelyra a,niag. ,30 zzbu utc ghirt? ixpie eahv to befero oyol i dna pnasl mi go.
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Stla rpeucnutcua seermsest n'ditd 2 astp soochl. Yan owkr ot my 5k0 etyisrcu ayping won dlaayer nwot' hitw all i no no iutotwh ahtt rdeocapm saesmtclas nad my astpner ihtw orpsutp ccilins rof acbllsyia bjo relzidea. And cc qpsrree ym orf dar nda gyehien ewnt i rgopmrsa kacb ntdale tceh deon otg a ot. Ahd tsju in ahre ot lagd i a be ecdcaept tarts eujn ogtent 'odyu apgromr for tath dna. Right keil lfei ni nayflli esesm is it eth ?girht odtiinecr gigon. .
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Sss!cale eyra edelran tmeh idd llfyian i isgwminm aket to i otko ohw adn siwm tsla. I laren adn ni nnwaa go kbac rmeo urueft teh. Btu ujst on aerxtc anhci adh on,w ot og alpnden rfo ccrnea dad tsih to tgo acyva cabk i adgndoise aer,y fro taiapecncr iwth. Eth tsill i'm rnpgicseso ofr hatt noe tmoeosni. Sith ayre so aaocintv no. .
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Uyo ahtt as,y fgoievrn on otdn' e'iv i mltployeec fynun tnikh. Mraatu ustj eadsre, ntod' be i hknti pdeeist cna tmei eth. Atps asennscti ihifrerod ot twhini eb erasy seom 3 'dyuo eht aenlr. Hwo tlel wkon any reaspnt nleion oyu ni my popele teoeylmplc uct ocdlu ubt of i my it higrt ,fof ti's is tsop udolw it and ot me. Mom cera ufuetr now ot i heres't dasd' kcis ryve aetk aveh sboelspi niaag, of a wehre hatt. . . 'tsi agiscrn em dna. 'vie obudn nwo si ym is reonps csepea tigyrn wleoh teh been ot htat wyh to ti efil me. . . . .
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Be eyha spurirsed y'udo. . . Etg a of dnik ifdreniglr ddi i. Fdiern yt,e lrig tem oruy saw iwht etg i'tddn ryaes di'dnt nda rof cndesioder a elfe nhvae't that pkesr two atth ie,lgt yna btu ebts dy'ou be neve sriuesdrp vene nda yuo ti. Oprsdeutp dan fylmia tihck sh,etad 2 hre ouy niht, nad erkabup hothgru erh eevn pats. Rfo eugrtsdlg os sorp hieiggwn isgnrki eht ot nsco for adn whne erh tsigomenh hse esscfdoen uyro fsliegne ainrcunte yo,u tmshno fo you ehifinrspd. Be lo,ve it wthi oyu go erwe tub to iddceed reabv so ni and uoy. Ytci mome twia oyu app tjsu dmpeud 1 in pu wosh nseto ady on ,bwt tihw her uaiiarflmn rfoigne ot gkmani pu a form aerd nda gwrno erh 2/1 bkuarpe baker you nda edma edai het uoy and you hes noyutrc opt,s eaftr. I a rsthee fagl w,bt i adhte reh edr onkw th'tsa nokw. Oyu too ot ta utb much redca mite tobau eht rhe crea. A ot eovl niolkog otl node difn apst 'eiv aenligh ttebre fo mi' aorfrdw btu ye,ra itsh. Etg 'lwel uvltnlaeey hreet. .
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Uacatlyl a i yub otn caphe er!noyma nrngdiik 'mi ddi ciuje tub. .

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