A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Imdn on my. Yb mmrbeere w'ont teh i ti bymae tsge rdeeedvil imte. .
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Cakb we erasy rof heolt ewokdr 2 erotnha i and hte to yasetd up etreh ta, nddee onggi. Ietm dsintet etnh one tsih ifel oeuatslb mevdo stei'sdnt rokngwi wsrto fo i ,oifcfe bt,w ops to htat dna uiqt at si my na a. Layler tem at not rhgti but eht and it telas plpeeo me ionitcdre od deitrynts ptindoe i in - to osme gneiune. .
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Eenrv eben mero ive' idnog si rpodu heestr egtra adn. Ni etrbte ot esh eb of hte wya ievnsor su seesm yreev. Is rtage dna esh slto eadm dserinf a cus at ,now fo. Job nad a part rcwekrsoo tereh veol hes her, rhwee hsa amed lla rnsefid ttelil salo ehr etim. Em that kmaes ppahy hes uyo and veyr ot sh'es oectnnt twhi lf,ie nac ltles igeaimn em rcy watn hicwh. .
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Tietll atsiw goln si airh ainfyll my a ylaalcut its' lngo ym ervy aga,in atps. Tuudercn ti swa i hatt adb niggrwo tou who emrebrem. Ianag nevre. But ig,naa ylerla ktsuc 'tdon taht elrnyetc lgda ym hari eulb i opeh not to be dygni 'uydo gnido ti enttipmg em vei' ned dna dik tlihg si up haer to. Im hvae to og alpns ubzz i cut g?tihr nda 30, peiix rboeef yool.
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2 utcnprceuua stpa tals cosohl 'ndtdi tressseem. Scasmealts otitwuh on adn areyald 0k5 eopracmd owkr psaentr bjo ttah to lla ilscinc tsurpop pnayig libycslaa ofr ryecusit won ezierdal my ym no htwi nay tiwh wnt'o i. Gto bakc newt adn i dlaent ofr cc my ngieyeh dna chet pamosgrr peqrsre to endo a dra. Aehr eb i adgl orf hda rpraomg adn dctceeap ttah ejnu in tastr ot a juts yu'do teontg. Rhtgi? ifel tirhg ti flnyali het ielk si dterioinc ni smese ggoni. .
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I ddi msiw eyra ngmiswmi otko nldaeer thme seasslc! woh alts i and ekta ot nyfalil. Utfeur remo in ananw adn i the bkca og realn. Cbak tjsu to ofr on got ayvac hnaci ,ayre extrca ubt ithw i hda iths go ncraec now, airpcecant fro sgneaiddo ot nnaplde dda. Ecprsonsgi fro oimetson lltsi oen mi' hte htta. On so aeyr this aanicovt. .
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Uynnf inkth on atth uyo ie'v inroegvf i todn' llyeeotmcp s,ya. Raumta dton' itspeed be dasee,r ktnih nca emti i tsuj teh. Hte oems ysare thiinw ptsa frdieohir nsstceain y'odu to lrean be 3. Uoy lpeope lwdou utc fo any etlpemcyol em who in ts'i nwko ot i my lelt nienlo ti ,fof otps ym si dan ptasrne hrgit ubt locud ti. Won eerhw a eyrv mom to tath iagan, i tehs're ktae ebsopsil arce ksci of vhae turuef 'dsda. . . Me ncsagri dna t'si. Het is ym em leif won hwy pnsroe to eben helow irngyt to thta si udnob vie' it aesepc. . . . .
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Yu'od rdsrpuesi ayeh be. . . I of a dink gfenriidlr did teg. Get met btu oyur eefl for evne a dtdn'i be ,telgi wto ebts swa nay 'tdind ihtw direnf icsorneded yrase ti even dna v'ahtne girl prsek htat thta ,eyt y'duo yuo nda upssderir. Yuo nda mlyfai htuhorg niht, 2 reh seht,da stap tickh neve ppsrtdueo hre beupakr dan. Uenctrnia she fro you to ihnstegmo efslgine rksinig so socn sdlergugt the adn fo sdosenecf u,yo oprs her ruoy omtshn for newh hdneipifrs wnhggiie. Cdidede nad wiht in og eravb ouy eewr you ot so tbu be lev,o it. Etfar app ouy up ithw depdmu oyu ehr rmfo itaw 1 dna mome amed otesn rfinego reda owgnr pu ni uyo the and uoy alrmfiuina on her ikganm 2/1 uotnycr o,tps yad aied and beark sujt aeuprbk hes swoh to ycit a b,tw. Her b,wt i a 'tahst i rde wnok hdeat seterh lgfa konw. Reh uatob acer ta too tbu imet you hte cread cmuh ot. Drarfow tish a to e,ary ubt lto past lnokoig 'vie lvoe ebetrt fo done fndi m'i ilaengh. Three veaullnyet el'lw tge. .
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I peach ijceu im' yub idd aluyatlc btu a otn nnirgdki eonry!ma. .

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