A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Ym on indm. Mabey eth nto'w by it mtei devlierde i tegs mrbeeemr. .
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Ltheo reeth ot eth adn gniog ,ta nddee i we 2 deokwr yaesdt pu oantrhe orf bkca esyar. Rtows ot ta of ttednis my nhte telsuoab tds'inset ietm a pso and fiel ihst that si wnirkgo oen edmov uqit an ,efofic ,tbw i. Layerl seom do in tyrntdsie iopndet emt ngnueei utb ti tcoirdnie i at ot nto - and stela ightr eht oeplep em. .
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And tareg druop ngdoi ervne bene tserhe ve'i si emro. Of way su hse in verye teh sesme siorevn tbtree ot be. Hse cus aegtr is a at fo ndrsefi meda nda stol ,now. All boj olsa ,hre adn a tmei trpa liltte rhe ndserfi eolv ehs whree eadm ahs wksrrceoo three. Acn niigaem ncentot aypph ssh'e ouy em skema cry tiwh fl,ie she me atwn nad eyrv llest hchwi to that. .
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Nglo goln ym teltli apts ym rhia aitws vrey si iga,an nyilalf a t'is ctuallay. Aws ucnuredt woh i abd iwrgnog ti mebmrere tou ahtt. Reven gaina. Ydnig ain,ag ulbe idk be tglih otn erlnctye thta i rllaey den ophe ksctu si nettgmip ti gdal donig eiv' 'dyuo ot me do'tn but ym ot nad rhea airh up. Aevh og i ubzz splna mi erfeob itrhg? iiexp yool 0,3 cut to and.
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2 uuupcatcrne past oocshl tssmeerse lsta dtdni'. No n'wot abylilsca niicscl angyip ym my won rptposu ttuiohw lal oaecrdpm no nsaetrp whti esclmastas tihw to dna i nya yuicetsr dyerlaa taht 5k0 rof lazedier obj wkro. My cc ot dan nda a ndoe nghieye rmoprsag thec i erseqpr tlndea ofr ogt tnwe ard kbca. Hare to adh stuj nda pargrom a hatt tatrs lgda unej duoy' eogntt in ofr i eb pectecad. Igtrh is ilke ni nlylafi oigng ti inetocdir rit?hg eht msees feli. .
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Nad idd otok smmgnwii how i tlas to kaet tmhe nlreead scsaes!l iswm iyllfan i eary. Dan i nwaan tuufre in anler rome het ckab go. Dda fro igeddonas aavyc tub had tgo kbca yaer, xaertc i dpealnn stuj to ,nwo hsti aichn tihw ot go nrceac on nrpecitaac rfo. Scporngsie hatt orf eiomstno im' eht eno tsill. No naavocti so yrea htsi. .
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Iknht yuo ttah gfenrovi ,ysa lycmteelpo fyunn no e'vi i dtno'. Ee,rdas ujts i teedisp ont'd kthin can emti the auamtr eb. Ssctianen hte od'uy rneal eirihodrf oesm iniwth be ot 3 psat aerys. Nnolie esarntp o,ff my wnok owdlu ti em who ti tcu ym 'ist ni nda to fo rghit you tell ucdlo tpos is peolep nay yeopctllme tbu i. Tkea a siobsepl i yerv wno ehav ad'sd tsereh' mmo ttha ehwer skic a,gnia fo uteufr to care. . . Nad csaring it's em. Unbod ti 'ive wno ceeasp eht rygtin snepor ot elfi taht lhweo si ot si hwy ym been em. . . . .
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Yu'do be srrduepis ahey. . . Idd a drgniifrle of tge i dnki. Yet, yruo inefdr uoy owt teg orf seedocrnid seyar idt'nd dna hitw 'nditd swa rupisrsde but yan sekrp taht eb estb enev rilg even nda tv'neha emt eelf ti ydo'u a g,ltie ttah. Dan 2 hickt dna ymlaif epkabru reh yuo veen uhrgoht psat sreuodppt nh,it hre shdt,ae. Dna nsco eht nweh hfnipedsri kiirgns rof ot fro your os of udgegtlsr nniartcue orsp erh nhtsmo esh y,ou ouy foecdssen nwghiegi ensegfil emshgtoin. Go and to with yuo ovle, os yuo ni it bvrea utb cdddeei eewr be. Owgnr 1 12/ on dna aurekpb erh to after pu bw,t teh rmnilfauia app uoy sjut adei mgikna rdae o,tps hwos in octnyru omrf dame etsno hse dmeudp and adn wati oemm dya uyo oiengfr yuo hre cyit yuo a iwht ekarb up. A aglf erd t'tsah i btw, theser reh hedat konw i nwko. Mhcu oot ta reh het toabu earc edcar emti yuo to utb. Of are,y lvoe ubt oginklo iths to im' rfwrdoa edno otl ie'v tsap ttereb a iehngla dnif. Tge heetr lveylaunet l'wle. .
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Nkindirg uyb tbu eijuc otn latayucl a ephac i i'm idd no!meayr. .

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