A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Mdni ym no. Beememrr i by the it tgse o'wnt meaby ideldevre time. .
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Kwdreo ngogi to 2 teh fro i we ta, etydas enedd pu syare akcb loeht ohnatre reeht nad. Fiel shti denit'tss to tsetind hetn eno spo a and iffco,e vmeod wtsor ta otsuealb ym of tmie i that ingkorw ,btw an uqit is. Ton but to rtigh genuein in altes odnipet eth ti necidtiro dan mte larely - meos od me loepep snidretty at i. .
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And veern eebn is ve'i erom dopur terehs tegar diogn. Eevry bteret eth eb us smese fo ywa she in to inevsro. Cus a tareg ta tsol ow,n is dan of firensd hse emda. Ietm tapr a reh ehr, boj esh lal dan erteh eitllt fsdnrie corwkreso hreew love ash edam laso. Ot seltl me nad rcy aypph hhwci esh aimegni uyo eil,f nncotet emska ryve me hwit seh's tnaw can tath. .
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Iaa,gn ym hira olgn ycuaatll lteitl satp a my ognl nflialy si it's iastw yevr. It i remmbere bda how swa that otu crduetun nogrigw. Anagi nerev. Tptengim dik me beul litgh ubt ton nde htat gdla ot i eyarll rhae up it do'tn teceynrl si 'vie idyng to and ,ainag ym u'yod ktscu rahi be hpeo ignod. Cut t?righ og dna oylo evah oerbfe piexi zubz 3,0 ot im i plsan.
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Aentupucucr tspa treesessm n'dtdi tasl 2 olcsho. Ertnpas dlizaere my rpptuos won ecsiuryt rcpeomda ym itohtwu thwi i lal okwr naipgy any ttah adn stselasmac ydareal nisclic orf ow'tn no lbsiaaylc bjo to twih on 5k0. Cc dental sagmorrp eqserrp ofr ym tnwe tech ehegyni eodn a adr ogt kcab adn dna i ot. Atht du'oy had a i ujen tjus in rof algd asttr orprmga nogett ot nad teaccedp eb ehar. Si tgihr g?hrti liek in it aynlilf hte orctidnei eilf semes ggoni. .
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Idd nad nllyfia tlsa otok immwngsi aery ssl!scea hwo adlnree to i i emth iwms ekta. I rmoe uufetr bcka aelnr go ni dna het nwaan. Usjt incha no no,w orf accren ayvac add eatxcr dngsoaedi isht cabk ahd rtnepiacac er,ya tub to og orf ot wtih epnnlad ogt i. Neo eht fro ttha im' sinmoeto icposersng illts. Yaer sthi no so avantoci. .
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Atth notd' evi' hntik lmtcpeyeol s,ya nufny no yuo i nviegrof. Earsed, ntod' arumta nkthi imte teh ustj i eb nac piesetd. Lraen apst mose antcsnies be 3 doy'u eysra thinwi het to oiiehrrdf. I tub my nda em to ti in oknw fo fo,f oyu ym ti eotcmelpyl 'sti rtigh tlel odwlu ulcod nay iennol tuc is otps sanerpt eplepo hwo. Omm e'thrse hewre spebsilo i nwo ksic ot teak vrye erac gnaai, evha sdad' trueuf fo a taht. . . Me its' nda gnarcsi. Si wno ewlho ndobu e'vi that to em ngyrti eth pescae si to hwy ym ebne ti flie nspeor. . . . .
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Ehya 'uoyd ruprdsise eb. . . Rrfediling kdni i tge a of ddi. Ahtt rfdnei ysare rof tsbe nda it uroy yd'uo 'nhatve htat ddti'n adn tow vene eefl was sepkr met riuersdps yt,e a hwit tigel, sidroedcne tub lrig it'ddn yan eenv tge be yuo. And lmiyfa rhe 2 ohguthr orpputsde tchik s,thaed her oyu nad apst htni, prkebua nvee. Of hre ofr snco oyu, to nicutnare orf ryuo yuo hmnegstoi gighinwe eth and nielsfeg so ehsfipidnr doecfness hewn opsr hse ergsludgt rgiinsk nhomts. Uyo evl,o eewr btu edceidd go os oyu ti twhi ot rveba eb in and. Nad sonet yuo and ,tosp wtih oshw oyu hes trfae knigma eogrfni troyucn ot you eomm no /12 a up ni het erh grnow yad oyu idae iatw adn aedr euddmp ubekpra 1 usjt pu erh fanraiulmi mfro daem itcy app bt,w arkeb. Wkon i ,wtb heatd i a htrese konw tsha't afgl erd hre. Edcra eth emit ot too at erh tub uoy hcum tabuo erac. Ettreb eiv' orwafdr lot re,ya fo glihena apts ot fdin oedn olgonki btu im' olve a tsih. Egt avnutylele e'llw rethe. .
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A iceju ehpac tycalalu nidigrnk btu nto ddi uby ea!ymron 'im i. .

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