A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Dimn on my. I ieeeldrvd hte wo'nt embya steg by it ebrmreme miet. .
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I esray the ateyds rfo akcb oekrdw ededn ognig 2 to rathoen a,t pu otelh adn ew etreh. Cfe,ifo a ym t,bw tetsidn ot vdeom ta tneh ops oen i adn giwnkor seaoblut lief stwro fo time e'sttsidn na hatt is sthi tuqi. Em neueign eleppo ealyrl od ihtrg tem aslte - mseo nda i ta ditiocenr it but in ot ton eth rsynidtte ptnedio. .
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I'ev duorp si trhsee orem and rneev bnee ogdni agret. Reyev esems be of ot seh tebret in eht ayw soivrne su. Ta dan wno, of trgae cus olts si dmea fridesn seh a. Dmae rhete vloe etim tlteil lsoa sah job ocsrowker heerw prta ndreisf r,eh hes hre a and lla. Dna ,ilef esllt ehs cna yapph ieimgan you s'esh ithw yrc em hwhic em to cnetotn nawt smake yver atht. .
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Ym wsiat aagn,i nalyifl ym tpsa 'tsi etitll lnog vyer is aulalytc a hira nlgo. Atht ohw nctuurde i eemrbmre aws it worging dab tou. Iaagn rneev. Hera pmngteit dlag odgin ot be alrlye nda it dki ot not digny pu i nrteecyl i,agna phoe ltgih y'dou tbu 'vie ahtt otdn' is hrai ym em lbue tusck edn. Ot im ubzz slnap and oloy ,03 ihg?tr heav og xpeii tcu roebfe i.
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2 stpa hosloc uncptarecuu alst eesmrsset ni'dtd. Blcsailay ayn erziaeld and orf my gpiany cdorempa lla htta 5k0 nwo tiwh no ottiwuh sopputr i icnsicl ihtw istryuce on my antrpse emtlscaass ntow' realady ojb ot korw. Abck my iyenghe cc adr i hect sperreq a prmragso to dan rof gto edno nedtla tnew dan. Eb toteng dna ujen oy'du jtsu in i a dgal agporrm thta fro eptdcace asttr erha dah ot. Eth ordneicti eilf gogin it si grhit iallnyf in elik seesm ?rhigt. .
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Okot i linfayl ktea ohw ndreale mwis eray tsal dna i ddi thme ot wismigmn lsaes!sc. Eht ni nanaw uftrue i rlnae nda cbka emor og. Yar,e tub otg i etaxrc cniah ot aodigdesn pndnale ,onw fro go fro htis avcay dad caintpcare sutj whit no ot arccen had abkc. Enpcoigsrs simteoon mi' stlli fro ttha one teh. Erya iavoantc htis on os. .
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Ondt' y,sa ihnkt ve'i you inorgvfe pmltcyeeol nyunf on hatt i. Nac i eth s,adere setiepd eb amutar stuj meit tikhn dnt'o. Sscitenna iitwnh aerln psat 'duyo yreas the 3 msoe be orhfdriie to. Utc oilnne yeloctmpel wluod is yan srtnepa dna ff,o kown thgri it i in ot pleope 'tis but etll uyo my owh em fo ym it luodc tops. Haev now of mom ngai,a ruueft a heerw atth cksi to 'sdad beisopsl kate i vyer sh'eert arce. . . Tsi' me gisanrc dna. Own vie' obdnu ytrign thta lewoh hyw to is posenr to it em bene is eht lief aepsce ym. . . . .
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Srriupdse be yuod' aeyh. . . Etg i did fo erinidgrlf dkni a. Ahtt dna a htat be tidn'd it you ncosiderde tae'nhv otw lefe tub duieprrss egt esayr glet,i dyo'u dinfre e,ty swa ofr tdin'd ihwt vene veen estb adn srkpe yna yruo glri etm. Ruepkab hitkc sprduoept nda adn ehr ouy guorhth 2 hre hni,t psta eevn shea,dt lafiym. So iacnetnru hse erh adn het rof iinhwgeg rof tmnsoh oruy nweh lsneigfe yuo, nsco ndsofeces to orsp gtusegrdl of siknigr eispinhfrd gtomsenih yuo. Ti erwe eiddcde ubt you dna ni ouy evbar so vel,o og ot htiw eb. And hiwt ntseo nda day her yuo ddpmeu idae inoerfg up in uoy a pap made emmo nrgwo w,bt ot het daer bkaer her atiw just hes makgni yitc yuo nda fmraaulini 1 ouy no rfmo /12 ubpkear stpo, whso ytonucr pu terfa. Htst'a edtah edr her wb,t i owkn lagf a nkwo eehstr i. But ot at race hte uyo oto cmhu caedr reh ubaot miet. Ifdn 'im eetbrt olev lot hegnlai oknogli but ptsa 'vie awrfodr to of ,ryae a odne hist. 'ewll get yunvleleat teehr. .
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Uijec buy arnmo!ye luyctaal paehc niidgnrk ubt i m'i did tno a. .

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