A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Dimn on my. Tmei estg teh 'wnto ereerbmm i ti eybma eeiddrlev by. .
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,ta i seyra eortanh bkca we dsetya nad rokdwe gngoi het heret enedd olteh rof 2 ot up. Ualeotbs si wb,t fo i iqtu a nda hsti est'dntis etim to my htne na atht otsrw ikwrong dmveo ta nesttid efil pso fefio,c eno. Ta to tsale pelpoe ngeeniu nda moes dttiesryn etm ocrdeinit eht in ton ndopiet me it ealylr i od - rthig tub. .
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Ebne rgate ei'v eserth reom ndiog enrev nad rupod is. Be us fo yaw meess ni eth vyere esrnivo esh ot terteb. Gtrae at fo mdae si ehs sotl scu dan a o,wn fdiners. Has ltlite rkeocrwos tarp erhew lsoa imte a all reh nda mdae hse snfdier eh,r boj ovel teher. Ehs kesma yrve me wiht ifel, ypahp iwchh me 'hess and to nwat ttha etlls can rcy uyo ttcnone ameiing. .
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Arih my wstai st'i tietll ryve a si uctalayl lgno gaia,n ylfinla psta ym gonl. Bad rtnucedu who it emerbmer atht gogrinw tou i aws. Rvnee agnai. Utb tenipgtm ot iygnd si hoep pu be llaery kdi htlgi ,ngaia ingod nde erah dyo'u tcuks eblu me dgla dna htat otn 'dtno ve'i ryteencl ot i ti ym riah. Irt?hg asnlp uzzb avhe loyo ,30 og ot im ctu i iexip and beeorf.
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Tcpurauunce sseeersmt 2 psat alts td'ind lcoosh. Ayigpn korw ayn atht on lla bjo i twih ont'w wno adrpecom 05k usorptp no for syieurct to hwti tothuiw tmacelssas my arnstep cnilsci zeialrde ylreada iblaalysc my dan. Ot nad thec cc srproamg tgo enwt noed a hniegye qreserp i rad adn ym orf back atnled. Njue rttsa lgda teccaepd ahd oydu' sutj rof be ehra rramopg ttha gteotn i ni dna ot a. It elif si trihg ogngi keil messe ylfnlia teh hgtr?i in rtoiiedcn. .
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Yaer eakt wmis tmhe hwo adn ot wmsmnigi eedrlna took idd alfynil tasl ces!lsas i i. I go in ufertu more rnlea aawnn eht cbka nda. To cpntieaarc dda tjus but enrcac got tcraxe rfo hda ot eiadgonds i on hist hwti ,nwo hniac vcyaa arey, go cakb dlpnnae orf. Eht rof one taht opsgirsenc 'im eonomsti lilts. No isht icaaotvn so reya. .
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'vei oyu td'on no itnhk mecypotlle hatt i asy, nynuf evfngior. Sutj eht can be don't uamtar nhtki meti ede,rsa tsdpiee i. 3 ot het doy'u esmo nentacsis roihderfi past aenrl be winith yrsae. Ot fo cuodl you lepepo me wdlou my ti rhgti lcpotlemey my ni tbu it tspo i nay st'i uct f,fo is who nda nlneoi llet sprenat nowk. Eavh trufue tath iepobssl yerv ana,gi ees'htr mom a kics ewrhe ecar now atke i ds'ad ot of. . . Em tsi' dan cragsin. Nwo dnbuo htat si rgntiy em to is eth secpae ot my orpsne hwy ielf hewlo vi'e eben it. . . . .
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Yahe be rriuesdps dy'uo. . . Dnki geiidflrnr a get did fo i. Eevn hwit ahtt ,tey get and ydu'o 'htevna enve oryu wto ouy nad mte nay efel drpuesrsi tbu aws 'didnt a rof respk yaser ligr it ndirfe ddoernscei that eitlg, eb dtnd'i tbes. Vene hre eadhts, paebruk rthough iyamfl rhe dna uyo 2 prsdoupte ihktc thi,n dna atps. Oscn u,oy ot ngiisrk pros nda erh she eht rfo sohgmnite fo cfsesedno yoru dfirspiehn you eslengif tmshno itnruaecn hnwe rfo nhgwgiie so utlsgrged. Eediddc erew eb uoy uoy rvbea iwth but ti leo,v to os og dan ni. Dema dna dan eht she uyo amlanuriif wrnog dmedup rftea a rmfo ouy ycti aiwt pbukear 2/1 yda stju spt,o you and ierfong hswo to ycrunto wt,b daei raed her osnte 1 ni rebka up oemm pu app no you ikanmg her whit. I deaht rde fagl i ttahs' oknw hre tb,w a wkon tsheer. Aercd caer mhuc uyo teim erh eth btu utoab at ot oto. Nogoilk vleo ndeo hgnleia tpas fo but orfdwra ttebre ra,ey tshi to ei'v dnif lot 'mi a. El'lw egt eletvlnyua ehetr. .
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Llautayc eiucj tub mi' nto eymaonr! i ddi uyb a pcahe dginnirk. .

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