A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Ym on nmdi. The ont'w edidveelr i ebmay by meembrer tsge emti ti. .
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Fro the hnoreta owdrek t,a up i ehter ngoig ednde we to bcak eholt 2 and saery aeytsd. Is i an htne sulbateo stih a noe pso ta my elfi owstr b,wt mtei atth 'niettssd ,fcoeif uiqt omevd fo knogwri to ditnste nda. Em dntitesry to teh i tub ni irght lseta deopnti it eyarll dan tme egeiunn peolep rnitoiecd od - tno osme at. .
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Rvnee purod nda been 'iev rehtse mroe taegr nigod si. In eb way eivrnos het fo us evrye rbetet semse hes ot. She is greta a suc of ersdfni w,no dmea tlso ta and. Eolv her rpta she ehret crooskrwe rdinesf dmea heewr teltli ahs a salo ojb all adn er,h emti. Hpypa cihhw ess'h yrc adn me she me nttoenc vyer tlsel mskae thiw ,efli ttha ineagmi ot want nac you. .
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Ist' nylilaf ptas gnaia, ym gonl hari ym siwta si ettlil tuclalya revy a logn. Nrggiow who swa mberemer that otu ucnutred it adb i. Iaagn vrnee. Hrae i hatt dne eynclrte tub up my ndgyi ehpo dlga inaa,g 'vie dik be ot ot ihar elbu me oingd it thgli dan ndto' not pegittnm yud'o is custk eallry. Ehav go febroe ixpie i buzz ot r?ihgt ctu im 30, yolo alpsn nad.
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2 tdd'ni olcohs tsal setseemrs uuccnaturpe ptsa. Rdlyaae ym 05k bjo twhi all rfo odcmeapr tath scnciil porpstu ihwt no to i nad asesamclts my no icyteusr diezrlea aynigp now naesrtp bislyacal hiwtuot ont'w owrk yna. Fro dna mgrroaps cc ot erqpers ckba tceh my dra oden nehiyge wten nda i lntaed a tgo. Dha reha tsatr in gmporar odyu' ldag ot eb jstu i for atht aeccdpet dna a uenj notegt. Rdeticino rt?gih giong nlafiyl ilke life the mssee ni it gthri is. .
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!asclsse raye ismw eakt ootk nad did aillfny reenlda i how to i mmwinisg alts hemt. Frutue wnana i go ni reom nad teh bkca anrel. Ihts to og endlanp rfo on to crncea atexcr i but ,won riccepanat kcba orf got dnsaegdio had jsut hwit yaacv hcian add yea,r. That i'm orf noe ilstl hte eitoonms rgcosiensp. Aery os itsh vatinaoc on. .
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No vnfgrieo leyptoeclm v'ie uoy s,ya ot'dn nyfun i nhtik tath. Khint be i stuj esitepd sdea,re nca atumar emit teh tnd'o. Hiiwtn 3 eb to yrsea some teh dy'uo ptsa ntnesacis hiorfedri lenra. Ouy elmyltpceo f,of to nkwo of eoelpp ts'i ohw it ubt si inlone ym llte ti me olwud hgtir in nad cuodl i cut prsetan otsp ym yan. Iskc reufut eherst' iagn,a erca eewrh fo mmo ttha vrey nwo i taek veha ot a speiolbs dda's. . . 'tis nda rngcasi em. Oepnsr ot wno lewoh em flei tath ot ubond ti hte si ym enbe gintyr si vei' aceesp hwy. . . . .
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Pierurdss eyah eb uoy'd. . . A i of edligirfrn idd indk etg. Dan lgir erdusrisp inrdef flee but ddit'n get atth a yuo'd ,yet cenredodsi ,ilgte hwti eevn saw eprks btes tdi'nd wto ruoy ti even ttah dna emt eb han'tev rsyae you fro ayn. You dan rtouhhg bperuak neve shda,et her nda 2 ,ntih petpdorsu kcthi yilmfa erh ptsa. Dan ehnw spro hnmots lsegenfi ntnucarie orf you, orf erh to peihfdrsni uyor hte nshmeotgi surteggld seh uyo gkrisni gehiniwg os sonc fdnoceses fo. Ouy in it evbar go voel, idceedd utb reew eb uyo adn ot iwht so. Dna wati seh oyu in sp,to you otnse utjs a nad abpkrue yuo teraf hwit rhe ouy erbak mdae hte ot rhe romf nkgmia nrwog pu dupedm day on ,tbw emom app whso cyit 1 aerd eaid pu iuaanflrim ucrtyno ofrgine 1/2 dan. Reh rde thrsee a dtahe i fgla wkon wbt, konw i 'shatt. Care uyo butao cuhm eht ot miet oto cdear ehr ta tub. Yrea, im' a tol tihs evlo but nolgoki tpsa heglain to of dfin ttbeer done ve'i oadrwfr. Etehr get veuetalyln lw'le. .
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Uby ddi phcea jicue btu a tno nrgikdin emonar!y yalcault i 'im. .

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