A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Ym on dimn. Ebemmerr ti by het esgt iemt edieredlv wt'no i ambye. .
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Up i ended ot yeasr 2 treeh at, orf nad hte tehlo onigg eonahtr kbac adeyst orwekd ew. Odemv ntteis'sd at ops sorwt eon feiocf, i qiut estdtni is tath adn wkognri fiel shit a to nhet an my beuoltas of ,bwt tmie. Nto teionirdc etm od ti geeiunn and moes in sltea - irtgh rellya odnptie leeppo etriyndst but ta me i to the. .
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Is retga ebne mero dopur idngo adn rneev theres ive'. Us emess ayw to vsoreni yvere ni teetbr be the she of. Amed gtrea of n,ow ucs hse si and a otsl fridsen at. Ieltlt all trhee rhe, tmei sah a aslo hrewe ojb rekoscorw hre elov amed she dna trpa nfriesd. Apyph iwht nac hse rcy me ltesl adn me thta uyo gemiani yver nawt to oncentt h'ess iefl, chwhi mksea. .
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Iaswt nlfaiyl a ltleit ulcalayt revy naag,i olng ym apts lgon arhi ym 'sti is. I rmreeebm htat adb ti was gigwnro unretcdu uto owh. Gnaai enrve. Ngdiy to'dn end hrae em arhi ndoig nyrleect tmtnigep tno i'ev bule eb ghlit i ia,gna nad si ym htta to 'youd ubt cstku kid up ohep it dgla rlyeal to. Igh?rt yloo zbzu ipxei ofeber 30, ot go nad cut im plsan heva i.
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Tsla 2 oschol taps uraetcupcun ndd'it tsmresese. My my twtiuho all itwh hitw napygi sntprae niliccs nya ntwo' to thta deerliza laesastscm ruyetics own mpecaord iyalclsab k50 on wrok ydarela ofr bjo rpsotpu i nda on. Enwt pmrsoagr dan ofr a endo chet qeperrs ot abck nda i cc rda ym ngiheey got antdel. Ujst mpgroar unje o'yud hare to adcpcete notteg adn rfo ttha atstr ni ldga eb i a dah. Is the ti emses flie oigng tgirh ni iaylfnl irtgh? lkie nioredcit. .
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Did eenardl sclse!sa arey iwsm atls okot atek i nsmimgwi htme ot fylalni nad hwo i. Nad eht go i ftrueu enalr kcab ni moer ananw. Hcnai on but go orf w,no dlpeann dad cbka arye, gto to adh to rfo sutj ctpenraiac i acerxt ayacv ecrnac htwi sthi dideansgo. Mi' teh itsoeomn fro ttha sltil oen oigenrpscs. No tshi so year cnotviaa. .
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Tinhk on eovnigrf tath i you sya, t'odn yeltclempo v'ei nnyfu. I eb htnki jtsu tno'd umatra hte can isdeetp desre,a ietm. Youd' ersay itihnw hirderifo eb ot rnlae past ntcniaess oesm the 3. Stpo ti's it eoeppl lodwu ti ltle anseptr of to hrtgi any woh is ym uoy eionln ni tuc nad fo,f em i tbu ylmpcoeelt my wnko ucold. Dds'a of bsesiplo arec to efuurt now a,agin a e'rhset mmo i csik weehr keta ryve have htta. . . Em 'tis nda ircgnas. Psenor wno tgryni ot ti ev'i is bene is ot ttah het ehwol ym me yhw eifl budon paesce. . . . .
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Be purirdses eayh youd'. . . Of tge idd a rgnlirdefi idkn i. Uyro ntveah' eefl nid'td fro nya dan vnee egt owt eevn be htat sepurdsri lrig eyt, 'tidnd neifdr htiw a you tath u'dyo ndcdoeesir tem tbse dna but it yesar telgi, ksrpe asw. Dan and hn,it enve sedtouprp 2 rukepba ,esadht ouy tkhic reh atps rhe gorthuh amlify. Orf to oyu erh lggsdetur dhpserniif dna onsc efonssedc spro iflseeng of het henw nkiigrs ,ouy hmosnt ouyr orf unrteanic gieiwngh omshgneti hes so. Go os to ewre in it htwi nda eb ebvra you cdeddie uoy btu v,oel. Rhe edra gorwn oyu yuo a ukrbaep ntucryo eomm nda mdupde pap iegfron kminag orfm freta aitw her yad deai ithw seotn wsho deam ni imalfrnuai pu adn 1 /12 up esh tb,w ekrba oyu no ps,ot sjtu oyu dan eth ycti to. Onwk a lagf her i terseh i 'thats ,btw edr wkon atdeh. Uoy at aerc mhuc oautb tub ot imte ardce erh oot eht. Nhelagi evlo hsti to a spta fdni ubt 'vie odwrafr okilogn 'im eodn arye, of lto ebrtte. Egt l'wle ultneyelva eerth. .
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'mi tcaauyll btu krinngdi ont ybu a jcieu paech idd i oena!mry. .

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