A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Dmin no my. Eamyb teh dvieredle ti wt'no i by eitm eebrmrme sget. .
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2 ,ta ehetr eaydst for ot yesar pu i dan ew toehl kcab igogn eth dewokr htoaenr dnede. Oen ngkowri ta tiqu htat uoatebsl htne imet fo orwts an 'ntetissd ttisned hsti ,ffoiec my si fiel i ops b,wt dan a emvod ot. And iugneen alset ta do ellyar ubt riedtiocn mte to etdpnoi ti ont htirg pelepo ni i - em meso dttinreys eht. .
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Enver gdoni is ehrtse 'ive nbee emor ertag nad oprdu. Ni rosiven ebtrte us wya of eth she evrye smese ot eb. Tlso nda gtare fo a cus maed ifrsedn si hes at o,wn. A nrfeids hsa teim all her tltile hes loas ratp nad boj ovel adem rorwoesck he,r erehw reteh. Em wtna hyapp acn ntontce taht me vyre wichh whit cry llset imnigea dan h'ess ilfe, she ouy mekas to. .
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Arih my ylucaalt sapt a is atsiw a,aing tteill my ogln very nlyialf ognl i'st. Woh rndceuut tuo hatt saw adb ebmmeerr grwngoi i ti. Veern aniag. It tnceyler uckts dne glda inmttpge ikd me llerya ont be is ebul ot ym ubt onidg nad i'ev tn'do a,gnai atht hrai up rhea hpeo yndgi o'yud ot i hgtli. Mi piiex ot i ,30 th?gir uct go orbeef olyo hvae ubzz and napls.
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Cuupnuectra sesretmse tsap 2 'tiddn hsoocl satl. Yan etrcsuyi ym my lal ldeairze won htta pcomarde tpusorp nad obj ot htiw yganpi uohwitt lyraaed 5k0 otnw' ihwt wkor no nslccii lscailyab aertpns on rfo i cassaletsm. I ot doen ofr eltdna cakb a tech smrargpo adr peqesrr my tog nad adn eynhige wnet cc. Ofr be ejnu paeccdte sutj od'uy htat agorpmr a egottn adn adgl in ot rahe trast i dah. The hritg klie efil it in lfaylni ggino emsse r?ghti si niotidrce. .
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Woh msiw i sslec!sa ethm aket to i idd naredel adn lfnylia wgmsinmi slat okot raey. Ufteur og naawn i akcb dan in eth emor enrla. To on ubt ot ogt og fro r,yea itwh ackb ,wno aeingodds taxrce fro lnepand tusj rnacec ianch acyav i dad tapenarcci dha siht. Smtionoe hte for htat tisll one onsecsrgip i'm. Itnaacvo no hsti ryae so. .
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Vie' thta i on sa,y teomclpyle oeigrnvf n'dot nnfyu nhitk ouy. Daere,s teh 'ntod i nca just eitm intkh maautr eb sdeepit. Sacinstne eb ot aenlr eirrofdih 3 'uoyd omse ihiwtn apts eth ysaer. I f,of 'ist yltpemcloe sotp onkw grthi me arsnept tlle wloud peopel ti my oinlen dna btu si it ni you ldcou hwo nya cut fo ot my. Scik fo a eerhw mmo 'ddas own etak yvre to cear eahv gaani, taht i sisepobl rutefu ree'hts. . . Gnrcsia em s'it nad. Taht ecpsea eneb my ytgrin is yhw si pesnro het to file owhel uobnd to me it onw 'eiv. . . . .
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Usispdrer ahye uo'dy be. . . Gte griindrefl did idnk of i a. Dan rissdprue wtih lfee it rsineedodc t,ye tbu nad a eevn prkes evne ofr atth naevh't emt wsa egt igte,l idnd't steb ni'dtd yan be htat ryou owt uoy iglr arsey yod'u niefdr. Neve her ptsudrepo adn 2 hctik nad ,nhit iamfly hre eurbakp ehas,dt oyu uhhrotg psta. Teh nikrisg egdtgsrul so nad for osrp oscn oghmeitsn idiershpfn rhe oruy fro iigwnheg onesfsdce yuo homtsn of ouy, seh to uanniretc whne enflsige. In go aevrb uoy to oyu wree ddiedec eb lv,eo dna tbu so ihtw it. Wtih emad /12 nctyruo and ppa stnoe eakbr seh uyo mnikga nrfoieg ni aied a dduepm ehr hre pu ader rpeubka atwi het yda pu 1 spto, rwgno mairufanli tcyi bwt, yuo on dan ot owhs oemm trafe uyo yuo ustj omfr nad. Tehda i kwon erh shrtee ,bwt a i edr sht'at kwno fgla. Drcea obuta at uyo oto hte hre to tub teim cera chum. Tpsa ot rrdowaf gliokno nehiagl htsi a aey,r ubt of teetbr vleo ie'v olt doen fidn 'im. Taelnvluey ehret 'ellw etg. .
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Ybu i mi' luyatcal cehpa ngindrik iucje utb ont idd a !renmyao. .

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