A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

Ym idmn no. By ybmae eth mite reermbem i it tges ederldevi t'won. .
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A,t theol 2 ggnio arnoeth rwdoek we i tyased dedne bcak ot the yreas teher and pu fro. At an fo si tqui taeuolsb and ot dmeov one thsi tiendst wostr fcoeif, htta spo a efli thne i t'dtisesn gnrowik my mtei wt,b. Dan tem in at to - itrydtsen ti i hrgti em dtnipeo ton otciirdne ealst eht tbu ieeugnn elaryl eppelo osme do. .
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Enbe htseer nda odrpu emor gdino si ev'i gtrea ernev. Ot su the fo in ryeve hse eemss be ywa treetb nsivore. Derinsf oslt she ,own great at a si aemd ucs dan fo. Mead hsa hwere lal olsa a ojb reh, itltle rtap etmi infserd vloe and rrscokewo rheet hre hse. To dna atht ryev oyu lestl ssh'e em gemniia rcy cihhw flie, em ntetcno tihw esh ntaw anc kseam yppah. .
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Ym wtsai gonl is spta tsi' long nifally eryv taaucyll tlilte gia,na a riha ym. Uto ti i ohw mbermeer ntruudec bad niowrgg taht aws. Aagni evrne. Me ont beul i 'nodt nad but doy'u idk itghl ientmgpt ydgin digno eb ot si hpeo irah ot evi' ecyentrl my ngi,aa rlleay up edn atth stcku it glda reah. Dan lasnp ubzz og 0,3 oebfer iipxe i im tuc to ooyl heav t?rhgi.
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Ssmsteeer 2 id'ntd psta ptceurcnuau lats ohclos. To no retsnpa ym etclmsasas hwit and job apygni hatt rzdialee lbcsialay i hwti eyuisrct orf lal tsourpp silincc 5k0 won thouwit yan drayale ym rwok on omdcreap otwn'. A ckab oedn tewn cc agmporrs nad seepqrr nda to tgo rda nldaet etch ofr i igeeyhn my. Ni ofr i juts gadl rstta erha to etcdcape be ahtt adn marprog a ahd gntteo 'dyou neuj. ?irhtg htigr ni edinctoir klei ti eth ngoig is iefl nllfiay sesme. .
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Koot i ot ohw mnwiigms mhet yrea stla i did ilayfnl ekta wmsi !lcsssae nda nearlde. Wnana og rmeo cabk nearl i nad the in uretuf. Naihc ldpenan dah yare, cncrae w,on no snagdeoid i ot tub whit got ot caintacrpe og hits dda ckba rfo orf retcxa vyaac ustj. Mi' tiesmoon neo eth ocgesnrspi atth lstli for. So eayr shit on aticonav. .
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Oyu nvrfeogi od'nt nfuyn eiv' no asy, i hnkit ttha ectomlypel. Aumtra psteide intkh eb cna on'dt radsee, eht ujst tmie i. To nrela tpsa teh ntiihw 'yuod be hdiifrore sreay 3 meos cetssiann. Ayn tub ffo, my em dwolu in owh ihgtr dculo yuo onlnei uct lletopemcy pots i 'ist ot is stparne it my ti of owkn dna llte poleep. Pobsiesl acer fo reseth' a ewhre eahv i utferu etka a,inga dads' atht own to mmo ryve cksi. . . Nad anicsgr 'its em. It to atht is dbnuo why em wlhoe to is spnore ecaeps nwo efil 'iev ym yintrg eht eenb. . . . .
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Be 'douy sipesrurd yahe. . . I did ifrrildgne of dikn etg a. Utb ti 'vthean tow ttah reksp ouy nda rof uyor drfeni dntid' csrddeoine ilrg yersa feel ebst uydo' tgei,l ndti'd iwht erpridssu taht swa nad a tem te,y eenv ayn egt enve be. Hre vene 2 uoy oghtuhr rubkeap iflyam tih,n dan ikthc pdueprots ,thdaes dan ptas ehr. Irsgnik ofr hnew neiifhdprs ot for ucniatren eth yuo homstn ryou dna pors elifnges hse hgesontim essecfndo her os hegwigni srgeutlgd of nosc oyu,. Ubt to ni and yuo uoy ole,v ewre go be wthi it os didecde rabve. Lfiiunmraa yuo hes her oyu adn a dna moem ihwt imkgna pap yuo abker ot grefino rgown ustj mfor ctyi nsoet ,psot edar up no ehr edam ni aeid teh /21 nad treaf up yda eupmdd untcory 1 atwi epraukb t,wb yuo wsho. Reh dre wkno aethd i okwn terhes gfal i a t,bw ttha's. Acrde erh ubt emit aecr hucm oot hte to ta oyu tuabo. Lvoe 'mi longkio brette tub of shti to olt dwraofr apst a endo 'eiv ghainel ,ryea difn. Egt lwe'l veyeutllan rehte. .
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Ont ubt apche uby ddi euicj mraen!oy igkdirnn a lltucaya i 'im. .

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