A letter from Mar 29, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, hi! this is 21 year old you. firstly i hope you’re doing well. right now it is 12:14am and i just watched a tiktok about writing a future letter. today i finally turned in my resignation letter! of course the boss called and spewed a bunch of bs to make me stay but im feeling mostly relieved that im almost out of there and onto a new chapter in life. you know ur girl is in her broke ***** era but im gonna make it work. this is the first time since i was a teenager that im not going to have a full time job and im sure you will remember how useless and lowkey stressed im feeling right now. what job did you end up getting? did you get to take swimming classes? how was starting acupuncture school? how is esther doing? im like 99.99% sure ur little sister is still the center of your life because you love her so much. i hope ur in ur hot girl era right now. im making a guess that our hair is finally long again and that makes me happy. you better not have gotten an undercut again for the third time, because you know growing that out will be a DISASTER. hey. u better go on vacation this year. or if you’re really too busy it better be soon. stop treating yourself like ****. remember u said xcaret. if not at least some tropical place please. how are mom and dad? im hoping ur at least smart enough to read pulse and help mom do some cupping now, or else im sure you’ll feel like a useless piece of ****. as much as i hate to admit it i think by today you probably have almost completely forgiven mom and dad. and i think that’s good. I don’t blame them for any trauma, i just hope we’re strong enough to take care of them now. did u get a girlfriend at all? although im currently opposing the idea of a relationship i know that you still wish for someone to connect and care for you. i hope that there’s someone to tolerate your situation and love you for who you are. im pretty sure you’re still unable to come out, but it’s okay. I’m sure we’re getting there soon. don’t get brainwashed back to homophobia christianity gurl. I’d hate you for it if u do. buy a bottle of soju and cheers yourself today! us making it through is worth celebrating. i love you so much and i look forward to the you im becoming. 🤍

Epilogue

about 21 hours later

hey 21 year old me,

funny thing is i completely forgot this letter existed. i know there's another one i wrote a while ago though, that one seems to stick...

No dimn ym. Item eemmbrre i eieldrdev the baeym setg ow'nt ti by. .
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Ndede odkerw kbca eehtr dna the 2 ot i rsaye netorah syteda loeht for inggo pu ew ,at. Ownikrg my ot eimt aostebul ocffi,e ti'esdtsn eon atht dna pso titneds wtros si tsih na uqit of a at w,tb edvmo tenh i elif. Nad em lerlay ot tdeniop at od atesl it niiteodrc ngeeuin i eeplop tem ytsndtrie nto osme rtgih in btu het -. .
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Nerev bene uoprd godni rtage thesre adn is emor ev'i. To us eb yveer mssee het nivrsoe fo bertte ehs ni way. At si of hse ucs a efndrsi atrge onw, slot dema nad. Adn eerht sha weher fienrsd obj aemd lla rtap er,h itlelt she lsao elvo kwororsec meit a rhe. Yrc and seh nac ayhpp le,if iimngea me tlesl em vyer hs'es that hwit sekma tnetcno hwhci nawt to oyu. .
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Yllinfa olgn awist gan,ia spat si hair my reyv st'i lgno my ltitel a lltacauy. Durnutce owh saw ttah beemmerr i adb iwrnggo tuo ti. Gaina evren. Be lebu reha larley ti rahi ei'v 'dyuo i that ont'd nmgptite ,gaian up to nde em hpoe but ctusk dik my ton nad is rtcyneel gald to donig ynidg glhit. Ot mi napls i go bzuz adn rbeofe ,30 tcu yool evah pxiie ?thirg.
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Past 2 tsla neuccarpuut ohlsco 'ntdid erssmeste. My yan twhi i 50k ynpaig hiwuott napsrte zilerdae ttha rof on ojb and onw ot lal cmpordae ytuseicr ton'w cnlicsi on kowr wthi oupstrp aryadel my ssmaslceta icsylblaa. Kacb yiheegn cc srpreqe and tewn endtal htce node and rof ogt i my ot aopmrsrg dar a. Ni ratts to etngot ahd raeh dgal pectecda be prgoamr a taht i rof jstu eunj and 'duyo. Msees infalyl ilke feil teh toirdecni ihgrt? ti irght in ngigo is. .
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Toko hwo nayflli etmh dna lrnaeed idd mwsi !ecslass astl keat i to eyar iminswgm i. Nalre emor in adn kacb i het nnawa rueuft og. ,onw cceanr kabc tgo had dda iwth i isht ot og hiacn on eyra, tsuj dlaepnn atecrx to ycava nipatrceac rof for oisnddage utb. Mi' for llsti eon eth soemtnio coepnsgrsi atht. Ayre on so oavactni sith. .
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You do'tn ,asy e'vi itknh i ttah emtlyoeplc no nfuny oniefrvg. Iemt ds,aere todn' rmtaua be i eht pesdeit tusj kitnh nac. Riirhedof eoms ot rlnae spat 3 esary udo'y be iiwhtn tnnaecsis eth. My nkwo ti woh btu ploeep onneli llte pomlltycee yuo ldcuo of to is antpsre i me girth t'is my in ff,o it cut dna ostp nya ldwou. Htat ot hvea of race mom wno revy ufreut bpoeisls heewr teak a terhse' agin,a scki i dd'as. . . 'sit agcinsr me dna. Si pcease wyh me ielf is v'ie atht nebe undob ot ym it to riyngt oepnrs eht wno holew. . . . .
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Eahy pdersisur o'duy be. . . A ddi fo irdlreigfn dnki gte i. A spusrderi enve srkep dan th'aevn duo'y htta uryo tsbe id'ndt dtin'd ofr thiw gelit, eb eevn yan it feel saw taht gril nda uyo get ey,t wot finrde ciordeensd tme tub easyr. Kuprabe epstordup uoy amyfli erh rhhtogu 2 ithck ehs,tda adn neev ,ihtn dan rhe tspa. Uarceinnt hiirfnesdp segfneli ggeiwhin moshgnite fo yuo egldgutsr ,you hes mnthos os ot dna rhe spor nehw irknisg fro uyor eht nosc rfo fecssodne. Go olv,e ni edcedid nad eb os ouy erwe hwit ubt vbrea ti to oyu. Uoy thwi iawt ityc her memo nda enfoirg and ,stop tocunry esh a tjus on ppa rdea dan pu rofm 1 deam 12/ yda edudmp oswh gnwor akrbpue uyo eth ouy oyu ot t,wb up iganmk abkre otesn aumraifinl rhe areft eida in. Stth'a nkow red i stheer t,wb rhe a adeth lagf wkno i. Eacdr you ta teh too erh cmuh ot crea baotu ietm tub. Of iths fidn ovel ebttre im' ive' stpa fordwra aeilhng yrae, tub tol nloigko ot a dneo. Etg eteyllnuav htere e'lwl. .
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Yulcaatl cujie 'mi a nnkdgiir i uby phaec tbu ddi ton aeoymrn!. .

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