A letter from Mar 27, 2023

Dear FutureMe, It’s your birthday!!! Happy Birthday 🫶🏼🫶🏼 I’m writing this on the Monday after my last high school spring break ever! The senioritis is SO bad recently, I’ve been “late” (2 minutes) to my first period Econ class 3 times already and if I’m tardy 2 more times I’ll get a U. Idk if it’s one U or two that won’t allow me to walk the stage but my anxiety is through the roof 😭 This added stress is not helping with college decisions, my hair has literally been falling out in CHUNKS. My anxiety is anxieting and I won’t see my therapist until mid april. I wish I could go through life like neurotypical ppl do, I feel like a weight would be lifted off my chest. I’m so tense and somehow I feel bad telling my therapist that? She keeps telling me I’m “a therapy success story” because I applied her suggestions and started feeling better, but I feel internally bad if that makes any sense? It’s like I feel comfortable at school, I have a lot of friends, and I’m always joking around but I still feel ugly and like nobody likes me… How do I tell her that all the success she thought we had was only temporary? Or maybe that my social success wasn’t indicative of any improvement of my mental state. I just don’t know if it’s that I’m doing better in life overall or the day of my therapy appointment landed on one of the weeks I was doing well. I hope you’ve taken time to be by yourself and figure out what’s going on. Everyone around us is unintentionally pressuring us. I want to be free of all of our expectations. You’re 21 now and that’s still an age where you’re discovering yourself. Don’t let others decide who you are, they barely know what they’re doing, so how would they know what’s best for you. Everything I’ve done has led you to where you are now, so don’t say such mean things about me, okay? I'm doing my best to get you where you need to be. Improve on me, dissect me, and drink a lot for me! When you’re having fun all this anxious stuff goes away, so do something everyday that makes you smile. Make me proud out there ♡ Love, Pedazo