A letter from March 19th, 2023

dear future me how r u? i know that this is like the fourth letter i write in the past few days but you’ve been feeling v down lately and writing helps (?) in some ways. idk why, maybe the hormones, maybe the exhaustion, but every little thing seems to irritate you in a v specific way, and you’re on the verge of tears at the minor inconvenience. it’s been like this for like two weeks now, kinda tired of it icl. you’ve been thinking a lot about committing, not in a close future but to you, it seems inevitable. you just don’t see yourself at 30, married, with kids or expecting. nope, ain’t gon happen. instead, you imagine yourself writing some letters to your fam, that they would get after that /event/, and what you’d say in those. you’re tired, both mentally and physically. you’re feeling empty, but also overwhelmed. you have no idea when things will get better, and how much longer you’ll be able to do this, but you wanna give up on everything. uni, sports, work, life, … everything is so tiring and you just feel constantly drained. you’re just living in this constant cycle of tiredness, because you can never rest. you’ll rest after your *****, right? everyday, you wish you’ll go to sleep and never wake up. how peaceful would that be? you always tell yourself that you have things to look forward to, and that it’ll be dumb to give up now, but it’s been like this for the past 5 years, and you’re getting tired of the same speech. right now all you’re wishing for, is to go back to your fav city, live the best days and enjoy life to its fullest, and die happy. but tbh you’ll probably have to hang in there a bit longer, and by a bit longer, i mean at least 5 years. you should probably be studying rn, instead of writing this letter, but you’re gonna take a nap instead. so good night future me ur lovely past self