A letter from March 13th, 2023

Dear FutureMe (this is all over the place), I am currently crying over the thought of leaving college. I am going to miss my media class so much, even if some of them are a little weird and most I hardly talk to. I'm going to cry so much more than leaving my primary school class & secondary school. I've grown so much as a person since joining college and they're all so funny and, in general, have good opinions. I can't believe I only have a few more months with them and then I'll never see them again. The group chat will probably stay alive for a few months and then slowly dissipate. I am so sad. I know I'm going to regret all the times I could've stayed behind to hang out with them and form real connections with them but every time I chose to go home and watch TV/sleep. I really have doubts about university. I don't think I'm going to make friends at all. I can't even daydream about making friends at uni because it seems so unrealistic for someone as shy as me. And I bet my accommodation roommates are going to be mean .... I am so scared. Hopefully I'll learn to drive soon. And know how to cook things. And how to use a washing machine. I'm going to miss my cats. I miss them already. If computer science isn't for me I have no idea what I'm going to do. Also writing essays on computing when I haven't got the faintest clue about it is crazy. I am going to fail so badly. The final thorpe park trip is going to be joint the happiest and saddest day of my life. The final time I'll be with most of my college class. I'm so scared for the future. do I want kids? not really..... Not at all. I truly would rather anything than live in a house where I play the mother role. where i am viewed the same way as my mother . i cannot handle it. I want kids, actually, but I don't want the stigma that comes with being a mother. I'm so scared for the future. I hope I have a small glow up - Get a cool haircut, learn to use eyeliner, work out, get similar clothes to my sister/my aunt. That would be fun. Love ya girl, I really hope life works out