A letter from Mar 07, 2023

Dear FutureMe, I hope you’re happier, whole. I hope you love people and that people love you back. Do you have a diagnosis or a treatment yet? Are you, are we better? Where do we live now? Right now, in 2023, I live in Guatemala City. We have Kobe, Bailey, and Bella with us. Bailey is my love, she makes me so happy. I’m volunteering at CAG right now on Wednesdays. Today, we’re planning to go get some tests done. We think I might have POTS. I didn’t sleep at all last night. I’m so tired and I have a huge migraine. I alternated between crying, praying, and reading Defy Me by Tahereh Mafi. This woman blows my mind with every page. What books are you reading in the future? Do you live on your own now? Have you learned to play piano and guitar yet? Is Bailey still with you? Don’t forget me. I’m Chloe, I’m you, I’m freshly 19. I’m trying so hard to get by. I don’t know how I’m still alive. There’s so much of my past i haven’t dealt with or made peace with yet. It all haunts me, especially on nights and days like this. I hope Jesus has healed us of that by the time you receive this message. Have you gone to college yet? Can you speak Spanish fluently? Are you in a relationship? What are your favorite songs and artists? I don’t love me right now, but I love you. I’m trying so hard, and failing, but I promise I’m trying to make your life better. It’s not easy. It’s terrifying and exhausting and painful. I’m so forgetful; I forget my medicine, i forget my homework, i forget conversations, i forget and forget and forget. I wonder if it’s trauma, but it’s one thing I really despise about myself. I know it’s not completely my fault, but it’s still so frustrating. I hope you’ve found a way to remember things. My favorite artists right now are Taylor Swift, 5 Seconds of Summer, and LANY. I have so many books on my TBR list, i don’t know if I’ll ever finish it. I got two new paperback books for my birthday but I haven’t read either of them yet bc I’m obsessed with the Shatter Me series. Absolutely obsessed. I’m in love with the characters and I’m so invested in their stories. My heart is broken for them right now. I have no idea what’s going on but things are slowly unraveling. I need to know what’s gonna happen but I never want it to end :,( Tell mom and dad and Colin and Lauren that we love them with all our heart. What promises have you seen God fulfill since the day I’m sending this letter? Never forget to remember His promises and His answers. Jesus loves us. Jesus loved us in the hospital, he loved us on the basketball team, he loves us on stage, and he loves us wherever we are at the time you read this. Don’t forget it. God is good, even when the world is evil and treacherous and merciless. Jesus is good, and He has showed me that everyday of my life so far, and He will continue to be so gracious and loving and kind until we meet Him in heaven and bask in the fullness of His love and His presence. Don’t forget to thank Him and love Him. Glorify Him. Let that be the greatest desire and accomplishment of our life. Tuesday, March 7, 2023 - 7:15 a.m. Chloe