A letter from Feb 27, 2023

Hello. I hope the email you gave me is still active by this time ano or you won't receive this letter ; ( I am writing this while lying in my stomach year 2022, less than a couple of months away from 2023. Tbh, I started writing this letter last year and stopped multiple times contemplating whether should I send you this or just remain in my draft. Finally, I've decided to go back here and finish this crap because hmmm actually nevermind. So, it's your birthday, oh edi happy birthday Jenny!! 25 ka naaaaaaa. How's life lately? I hope you're doing good in whatever you're doing right now lol. Are you happy? I hope you do! How are your plans going? Or are things kind of messed up right now? It’s okay. You're going to be fine. You still have your whole life for you. I cannot tell you what the future will look like considering I am just 22 as of writing haha and the fact that life is rarely predictable but as long as you have time, you’ll be there where you are supposed to be. Move forward while going gently though. Are you still reading this? Haha. Supposedly, I should have finished this letter however, stopped midway for some reasons I cannot remember. So this is me again, I am writing this on 27th of Feb 2023. By the time you receive this letter, I don’t know if we are still in each other’s lives. I hope we're still friends or at least still talking either personally or via pm. I met so different people and made friends over the years. I don't tell you enough that I am and will always be grateful for our friendship. Bakit nakikita ko reaction ng mukha mo huhu. I always like you (as a friend) because of your sense of individuality. The way you choose your clothes, the way you giggle in pretty much everything, the way you sparkle, when you're serious and focused while doing something. I am really thankful that you approached me during break time when we were in 8th grade. I remember wondering why were you trying to hang out with me of all people hahahaha (Mukha bang akong kawawa noon ) I even told it kay mama na may maganda akong kaibigan (no joke kapag binabanggit kita kay mama lagi kong binibida na maganda ka hahahahahahahahah) I appreciate all your sweet gestures such as giving me the sassiest black shoes I've ever seen, paying my haircut on 8th grade and showing up at my house trying to surprise me for my bday although you all failed and I will be forever grateful for all of those. I was really lucky to have you and Ellen even si mama sinasabi 'yun at lagi na kayong hinahanap after noon. You did so much for me that's why I liked it when you needed me because it made me feel useful. When I threatened Ipapo to stop and go away because he was taking your pictures despite your persistent refusals. When you need someone to wash off your period blood on the corridor even though we're not on good terms. I was so happy doing these because these were the only things I could do for you. (Not interested to be your slave in case lang tanungin mo ako now) I couldn't bring you gifts because I was broke or be sweet because I didn't like it at that time which obviously I do now since I'm writing this god**** letter. Honestly, I always thought about how annoying I was back then. I don't even understand why you and Ellen were still hanging out with me. We often had fights that I even lost count as it's too often. I was too judgemental, too blunt, and cursed a lot (As of writing, I still do now however it's toned down hehe) thinking it was cool and funny. 8th and 9th grade are the prime years of our friendship. We fought however we still managed to reconcile. In the 10th grade, we eventually became distant. Ellen transferred to another school and I was sat at the back while you were in the 3rd row sitting beside to J-Anne or Jay-ann whatever her name was IDC. I hated her that time because she's too loud and you seemed to like hanging out with her probably more than you did when you were with me (sadgirl ehe). It may be not obvious but I was the possessive type of friend back then. I didn't like that they were hanging out with you because I realized you can easily replace me and you won't need me anymore. Yes, that's pathetic knowing good and **** well you were a social butterfly and you seemed to go along well with everyone ಠಗಠ Gradually, the anger I felt for them redirected to you because that 16-year-old me thought you didn’t like hanging out with me and chose to never talk to you unless it was extremely necessary and unavoidable. After our JHS graduation, I was so upset that we didn't have pictures together. I did reflect on my actions and blamed myself for all of that. If I was not been too driven by my ego and apologize to you, we probably still be close as we were in 8th grade. To be honest, I kind of feel bad until now that there were many instances that I failed you as a friend. When your tatay died, I was not even there to comfort you. I just saw your back running away from the gym and had no idea what was happening until we went back to the classroom. When you cried during class because some activity in class reminded you of your tatay, I wasn't there to comfort you. Your most special day, your debut, I was not there. I am really sorry Jenny. I am beyond grateful that we still talk on messenger although rarely despite all of those. Deciding to be distant from you was the hardest and I regretted it however, with that decision I was able to hang out with similar good people such as Lucia and Cairies. I was also able to choose a different path in SHS because I think if we have been still close as we were, I would have chosen TVL just to be around you. I could have been the same dependent and possessive friend and you would likely be tired of my ***** and end things eventually. Being on my own brought growth and so many learnings. It's crazy how one different choice you make could bring you to a completely different destination. I am writing this letter not because I want to bring back us the way it was (You know we can't just force things, especially friendship, though if we can, then that would be good lmao). I am writing this to let you know how grateful and apologetic I am to you. I feel the luckiest to know your existence, to be considered your friend once, and to meet you in this lifetime. I hope you have a beautiful day ahead. Happy birthday Jenny! P.S. Don't message me right away when you receive this message. 22 year-old Shiela