A letter from Feb 22, 2023

Dear FutureMe, It's already midnight, and I can't sleep. I just saw our diary from six years ago. I couldn't help but cringe, but at the same time it made me smile and sad. How can an innocent and genuine soul be so miserable and unhappy? Lately, I feel so empty and lost. 7 months ago, we got into our dream university—not the "dream-dream university," but one of the best universities here in the Philippines. But that's the goal, right? to be able to study at one of the top universities. Here's the sad part: we've lost some people that we thought we were going to spend our lives with. It broke you. But after a week roaming alone on campus, you found new souls who laughed with you and who aspired and dreamed with you. You mostly did your first time here at this university. You joined an organization. It was the official publication of the university. Remember when you crammed your portfolio? the almost-hour interview? But the most important question is: do you still remember when your longtime boyfriend waited outside for you to finish your class to announce that you got in? That's the start of your "layout artist" journey. You made friends with a lot of people. You made connections. Somehow you tried to romanticize life, but it wasn't easy for you. You start hanging out with friends more than going home early to study. You actually enjoy doing the things you love. You're in love with the art of videography. So you volunteer to edit and direct every film project. You've got good grades, but sometimes you think you don't deserve them. Because you always think that good things are too much and that you ain't worthy to experience them. When the first semester ended, you tried to shift to another college program but did not succeed. You openly accepted the rejection; instead, you cheered yourself up by telling yourself that you could still try next school year. When the second semester started, somehow it made you happy because you could still see your friends and hang out with them even with different class schedules. Currently, we're stressed and having sleepless nights because of this organization. But I know we can get through this. This would be the summary of our 7 months as a freshman college student. I hope you're in a good place now, Aly. That's something I always hope for. Always and forever. All my best, aly (2023)