A letter from Feb 17, 2023

Dear FutureJJ, So, 4 nights ago I finally scored double digits for our domestic league. What makes the 20 points special is the come from behind victory. At one point, we were down 9 points, and we started to rally after I put the clamped down against the opponent’s star player. So basically, shone on both ends of the court and shot 70% from the field including 2 of 3 from the arc. The free throws were still abysmal though, but I am patiently working on improving my shooting. Sorry, this sounds like self-pompous and stat-obsessed LBJames. But for someone like me who was deprived of playing during childhood, ergo deprived of my own childhood, this is as important as it could get. You know, you see these viral videos on Facebook about children excelling at sports at a young age, and you will see the ocassional Karen comment about”Poor kid unable to enjoy their childhood being forced by parents”, well, I am the exact opposite. It was really painful just to think about how much I craved to do sports as a child, but my parents did not give a single **** about my requests. Yes, I did enjoy climbing trees, playing hide and seek, tag, house, exchanged stickers, playing cards, and stationery with friends, but I never got the chance to play organised basketball, join sports camps, learn swimming, etc. I remember the neighbour kids were doing taekwondo, and I can only salivate when they discuss the new kicks and moves they learned and show up whilst we play the infamous “text” (betting marvel cards). Essentially, I really felt that I was robbed of not just of my childhood, but the potential to be great at something. Would I have been good enough to make it to WNBA, which I know is a joke of a league, and pays **** money anyway? Maybe no, but I will never know. That’s the thing, I WILL NEVER KNOW what I could have achieved had my parents give a **** about nurturing my passion and dreams. I WILL NEVER KNOW what it is like to don the national colours had my mother supported me just a tiny ounce instead of putting sorts of hindrances to make me disinterested in the sports. Painful remarks like “basketball is not for women, you should start acting like a girl, otherwise you cannot find a boyfriend.” So here I am, with a 40 year old body, obviously no longer as fast and athletic as I used to be, and fatter on the waistline. Of course, my parents will probably make an excuse that I should have just taken more responsibility and played when I was in my 20s and 30s. Well, the issue is I spent 2 decades migrating, having a family and stabilising my life. The 1st one obviously is because my parents did not bother to migrate when they were younger, because apparently they could have not known better. And because I did not want my then future children to suffer the same way I did dealing with migration issues, I made that ultimate sacrifice to ensure that the lack of citizenship privilege stops with me. So like a headless chicken, I set off for that citizenship journey all over the world. Hence, I never had the chance to play organised basketball except for that time in Dublin when I tried out for the UCD basketball team. Unfortunately, I was doing a very competitive fellowship then, and had to work 7 days a week in the lab, for a measly 1700 Euros a month (with health insurance and travel reimbursement as the only other benefit), and also feeling the societal pressure to marry, so not really much time to play ball. Ok, so buckling under the pressure to marry is kinda my fault, but that is a direct offshoot of being unloved as a child, you know remarks from my mother during my teens like “I’m worried you haven’t had a boyfriend yet. If anyone would court you, you will just grab the 1st opportunity and not hold back, even if the guy is ugly or something… you will no longer have ang standards for men.” Then on my 30s, I was either pregnant, breastfeeding, or both, or worrying about my social work placement, because I had to do that quintessential career shift, after realising that my PhD in Engineering was really worthless. So essentially, just a lot of unfortunate circumstances have prevented me from playing basketball, to absolutely no fault of my own, or just bad luck. Question is then, what else can I do moving forward? Other than trying to excel in the domestic league, can I take a **** a my dream to take it to the next level? Do I have enough talent to compensate for my ageing body? Is passion enough and dedication enough? Maybe yes, maybe no, but this is what I will find out. In the meantime, I will try my best to enjoy and cherish the moments. After all, age in basketball is counted in dog years, there’s no more tomorrow! Jj