A letter from Feb 13, 2023

Dear FutureMe, hi 18 years old andy is here, writing this piece and i dont know if i can manage to read it years from now or in the future. Im so scared for the future because of my health and life uncertainties. If only i can freeze each good moments i would. I feel terrible today i feel sad and hopeless. Im not doing anything to work or progress on my dreams. I feel dead but alive. Im not living the life the way i wanted it. But im trying my best. Last year i thought im going to be pregnant and i so badly want to have a baby even if its in the wrong time. But sadly my partner doesnt want it and he wants to get it aborted i feel so sad and broken because he almost left me. I know that i dont deserve that and that i should walk away but im still there to stay. And its so hard to get over someone you love. That took so much from my energy and health i was breaking down each days. I feel so stressed that i forgot to take care of myself. And right now im facing the consequences of not taking cwre of myself im diagnosed with eye floaters that its not curable and having a weak retina that can lead to retinal detachment. It all started weeks after breakdowns some factors are stress and my daily screen time. And maybe its my anxiety. health anxiety. But i can still see as of now but im just so anxious everyday that maybe it can be taken away from me in any moment. But everyday i feel week and fatigued. Im so scared because my body is telling me that im having something serious going on here. I dont know if i can still be a doctor or be a model and own lots of businesses and properties. I dont know if im gonna have a family because i already lost my faith on a picture perfect family and having a kid. Im so scared to get pregnant again. Im so scared for not being able to make it. And fail. To not become what i wanted to become. And i dont know if im gonna end up with someone that i love. because i always feel like im the only one who’s doing the efforts and work to work this relationship out.