A letter from Feb 13, 2023

Dear Me, Happy Birthday to you... Please tell me future is different than what you are living now. Tell me, you don't have to hide anymore on your birthday just because you are broke. Tell me, you don't have to ditch all the plans your friends made just because you are too sad and mentally tired. Please tell me You have received everything you ever wanted. I hope you are doing well financially and not worrying about your economic status. I hope you have saved money in this span of time. I hope you have at least 36k saving in your account. Well this is your 23rd birthday and believe me you have never felt this sad before. You never delt with this level of emotional trauma in your entire life. This year has been like a roller coaster ride and since 2023 I have 0 balance. Idk how am I surviving. It is so hard to think how you don't have anyone to give you money. I feel people around me are so lucky to actually receive money from their parents. In my case, My parents are poor than me. I feel shame to ask them money because I know they have to take loan or ask from someone else. I don't wanna be burden in my parents even after being 23. Things were so well before. We were doing fine and earning enough for our family but idk how it all changed all of the sudden and now we don't have a penny. So many loans, I wonder how my parents are dealing with all the monetary crises they go through each day. They say maturity is when you realize your parents are a normal human being just like you. Well, I am still grateful how they managed to send us here to study and fulfill our respective dreams. But, Now is not the time to be fully independent. I am so scared of this phase. I have to find the way to solve this problem. I feel sorry for myself but I cannot spend my life portraying myself as a victim. Its too much pressure that I go through in the daily basis. I wish 3yrs later this things wont be a problem and I will be able to handle myself financially. Once again Happy birthday to me.