A letter from Feb 02, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Hi! Hehe now you started writing in English. Seems like life has turned in a strange way since 17. Well yeah maybe you expected that but Im sure you didn’t thought about this emotions that you going to feel trough this years till your 19. Well yes you're 19 its hard to believe and you started feel like an adult. Life is hard now you feel pressure.And it isn’t fair. You are going to receive it after 3 years oh my gosh feels strange 22??. In this two years…gosh I didn’t even imagined that Im going to feel that way. First of all corona virus stopped being in peoples minds they forgot about it and you too.. Your crush ignored you .. You felt this deep emptiness and you forgot him hard to believe, but I know you are strong at love. It take a bit long but it was a long crush, 6 months to really erase him from your mind? Nice! Second of all you started care about your future so much I guess every young adult feels that..and things you got although you tried hard it isn’t fair. Your thoughts about ***** started getting deeper. You don’t want to do it, but you decided that its the last door if others won’t open. You aren’t scared of dead. Before you cared about others that you gonna hurt them by your ***** now you don’t care about others. It was deep when you were 17. But I think it is now deeper you just don’t see it. Lets stop talking about dead and depression. There is something that bothers you your first and only crush celebrity. Feels amazing. The way you laugh, smile, act. You started thinking about that much. Are you lying to yourself? Is that real? Why when Im 17 and not before, you forgot about it and it came back to you at 19. Maybe you lied to yourself that you don’t fall in love easily. You know what maybe the admiration others makes you stay strong in this world, watching their achievements and how they are cool .. strangely. You have hopes about future.. although I don’t think they are going to happen, you started hating people for nothing, It was the last thing that you could do in this world. You stopped talking with them even though you want to,, You just stopped, everything feels so wrong, you feel wrong. Nothing gona be better, no one gona help you. You are useless, that how *you(19)* think. 19 year old you. You feel like a crazy human. Why would they like you? Why would….she.. Doesn’t even know you! I love my friends, I hope that theyre doing amazing in 22. Well thats it I hope youre allright! I’m not really got at writing, It’s sad that nothing gona change Im so sorry.I have passions I have dreams I expect beautiful things But they’re not gona happen I AM born in wrong ….• Please make your thoughts grow better be a better human. Nowadays It is what you think, you don’t want anyone know it, you’re embarrassed.But please somebody have to hear that, they cant help. No I am not going to say that. It started getting more like a diary. I’ll stop. -It’s me