A letter from Jan 16, 2023

Dear FutureMe, (Just sending a copy of this letter from 2023 to 2025 for fun) Idk if this letter will do more harm to me than good but I'm still writing. Its 10:30 AM. I was supposed to have an interview for TRU at 10:15 and be done by now. But they rejected me before I could even give the interview because I didn't meet the minimum requirements apparently. At least the effort wasn't for nothing. I can learn all those answers for the visa interview, whenever I go. I'm addressing this to September 20th because for some reason, in my mind, that seems like a time by which I would have figured some things out. It's okay even if I haven't. I will figure it out eventually. I would just feel bad because I'm spending a lot on application fees and GRE and everything. I am so scared right now. I don't feel like talking to anyone. It just seems so pathetic. It would be so embarrassing for me if I don't get into any university. I know what my friends would say. It's okay. You can try again. But I have something that I can't really explain better than it being my own judgment. I'm not thinking about others judging me right now. I'm thinking about my value in my own eyes. I think that will take a deep hit if I don't pull this off. I already feel like I spend way too much of my parents hard earned money compared to chechi and not going this year would just magnify all those feelings. I don't know what state I would be reading this in. Maybe I didn't go anywhere. But that's also okay because life has a way of figuring itself out. I think the past few months, living with Amma Acha has been a positively reassuring and healing time for me. I've been able to build up a lot of optimistic feelings and I hope I didn't lose all of it as I read this, though as I write, I can feel some of it slipping away. That's what home has been to me. A healing place. I have been able to be grateful for the small things in life. For my family, for my friends, for little memories. Don't get me wrong, I've always been grateful for my family and friends. It's just that, after 2022, I realized the value much more than I had before. How having great family and friends can literally save your life. They've been able to put together a person they didn't pull apart and I don't think I can ever explain in words how lucky I am. I don't know where I am going with this. Right. What I wanted to say was, even if things didn't work out the way I wanted them to, something I devised during this optimistic time in my life, is to think about the times to come. Think about all the firsts that are to come. The day I decide to go to a university, the day I land in a new country with dreams, the first day of class, the first day of work, my first day in an office, and in the far future, meeting a life partner, wedding day, (I don't want to go into sappy details) But imagine all the firsts that are to come. You are literally 23. That's it. Unless you die due to some accident, in that case, it's sed. So this is not the end of the world, it's just a minor setback. So just wipe your tears and move on and work towards your next application because you've got a lot more to go. This is only the second one after Fanshawe(which doesn't count okayyy). Okay, I just got a message from the counselor to schedule another interview. So I don't know what is going on with that. Before that unfolds, I am going to send this letter into the future. Bye.