A letter from Jan 15, 2023

Dear FutureMe, It 1:46 pm on a sunday in Delhi. I woke up around 11 am, a bit of an anomaly these days because i strictly go to sleep at 8-10pm and wake up around 5-6am. But the exception has been made because i turned 25 2 days ago. I think i input my official birth date in this system, so it thinks im 24 right now. I wish i was 24. I dont think i was nearly as ******* miserable at 24 as i am now. I went to bed around 8pm on 12 january, hoping my family wont bother to wake me up to wish me if im fast asleep. But i didnt put on my retainer before going to bed either, so i guess i was still expecting them to wake me up. And they did. I got up to go to the dining table and instead of a cake that i was dreading to see (like honestly i almost told my parents not to get me a cake bc we already had one given to us a few days prior to the day when some guests came over, but i thought it would be a little presumptuous). But lo and behold - there was no cake. It was 2 pizzas from a place id never heard of, 1 box of fried momos, and a box of pasta. My mom said some things apologetically. I just had a slice of pizza and went back to bed, feeling a little confused. No, i did not want a cake. But my dad chose not to get a cake and get all these cheap snacks instead and didnt even seem sorry about it like my mom did. I started to think about how my place in my dads priority list has probably gone way down ove rthe past few years. i mean i dont blame him. im ashamed to be me too. but i guess i found some sort of solace in knowing that my family cared about me regardless. and it turns out that isnt the case. I really started spiraling. quarter life crisis aint no joke. but i dealt with it the way i deal with every adversity. i chose to cry myself to sleep and then wake up to pretend like nothing ever happened. i then of course bought a bottle of vodka the first chance i got and drank it last night until i was a sobbing mess again and cried myself to sleep once more. i woke up with a considerably bad hangover this morning, if you cant tell already. Like ive had worse, but man my head is ******* me. i impulsively started watching jujutsu kaisen (im on episode 5, i think im gonna binge watch until i finisnh it). So, i guess ill go back to watching it after im done with this letter. whats the point of me writing this letter, you ask? well, on my bed next to me is a lot of garbage, like my hair dryer, the book 1984 that im halfway done with, a sticky note thing i use to add stuff on the book taht i wanna look back on, a pencil to write on the sticky note, my inhaler, a bottle of water, and two pieces of paper with daily planner templates that are empty. The point is, i plan to fill this daily planner out by the end of this day. If not, by the end of this week, ie 22 January. And i plan to stick to the planner an dget my **** together. the main objectives are to a)have a healthy sleep routine b)have a healthy diet c) start working out 3 times a week at least d) study e) work on getting a job and last but im choosing to make it the least f) repair my relationship with my friends and family. if i dont go through with this plan, i leave it up to you. Thats what his letter is for. dont fuvk up. stop ******* crying. get a grip and get a move on. peace