A letter from Jan 09, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Are you still with Mya? That’s kinda crazy if you are. You’d have to be alive to be dating her though. I wouldn’t be surprised if you finally committed and ended it all. Actually I’d be a little surprised. It is pretty selfish and that’s not what we’ve been taught to be. I hope you have a car and a license and you graduated college. I hope you’re not still working at Waffle House and I hope you are happy. Did you learn how to cry yet? I can’t do it man and I really want to sometimes. My body just won’t do it though. How’s mom and dad? The siblings? Adonis is probably taller than you now huh - feels real bad. We always were short but maybe we’re buff Now? I want to be kind to you but I don’t know what to say. I probably would like your hair. So nice hair man! Just tell me you don’t want to die and that’s good enough for me. I want to die. Do you remember that? Do you remember being me on this blue couch writing to someone that you don’t even believe exists because you think they’re most likely dead? Did everything get better or did you just get better at dealing with the consequences of our ridiculous actions. I just want you to tell me the truth. Does it really get better? Did I ever do anything better? Are we any good now? I hope so. Because if not I don’t know if I’ll make it. I don’t know if you’ll be the one seeing this future me, or if it’ll be a relative or a random person. Maybe no one? I want you to know that I’m sorry I failed for so long. If I couldn’t save you and if today is the day you decided to end it, I’m sorry. You know we tried but we just can’t do it. It’s like we weren’t meant to survive this world or to grow old. This is beginning to sound self righteous. If I do get better and if I do save you, then I hope you’re still living in a way that would make younger us proud. I don’t know what that would look like exactly but you know what it wouldn’t. Go check out Noodie Spider-Man once for me. I’ll see you soon maybe man I love you. I over thought that last part but I figured it should be there. No I’m sorry there’s no money in this letter or anything like that so don’t get your hopes up.