A letter from Jan 06, 2023

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, When you get this letter, you're prolly just finishing grade 11. Did you or are you going to China? packing them bags and finally going back after 8 whole years? And did you manage to set up a one month summer where you work at a real estate firm... for free of course? Maybe I'm so smart that I'm getting paid? most likely not but that would be pretty cool. It's January 6th today. I forgot if I'm able to see the date of when I write the letter when I receive it. Currently 9:36pm. I only have 3 more days left of winter break which is absolutely just crazy because time went by so fast. I haven't done any work...so bad. Honestly, I'm a really bad student. I handed in my physicians letter for biology after I checked teach assist and saw I got a zero for the assessment. Obviously the grade hasn't change, hopefully due to my teacher enjoying her winter break and not because she's going to refuse to change my mark. And man, my grades are so ****. I'm a terrible student. Maybe it's cause I'm not trying? But I also am. I think the amount of effort I put into school, into my classes, into learning is just inconsistent. And maybe that's why it seems so difficult? I swear learning didn't use be to so hard but I'm having a hard time learning. I literally have 4 missing photography assignments and my teacher gave me so much time to work on it because I talked to him about how I was unable to complete it. Honestly it's not even taking the photos because I have all the photos but it's editing them. I absolutely hate photoshopping them. I also hate when I get my grades back because he aways gives me low *** 80s so my overall grade is a ******* 84. Like how am I doing **** in photography? idk. Don't even get me started on accounting. I have my huge ISP assignment presentation due in like... a week and half? Literally crazy to even say those words because I just now actually thought about it and realized the amount of time. And I haven't even started... Man, this letter is my sign to grind and finish everything before like... the break ends? I don't even know why I think its possible but I'll try to make that happen. I really can't deal with finishing everything before the semester ends because this year we are having exams. Absolutely crazy because in all of my 16 years of living, I've never done a proper exam. Like, I've done EQAO like once... but that **** was literally so easy. It was literally grade 8 stuff but I was doing it in grade 10. I'm quite worried. If I get zero on all my exams, assignments that are worth 30% of my final grade, my grade will drop like 20-30%. I'll literally barely pass all my classes and that's just humiliating. Also this year is halfway done. Not actual year but school year is halfway done. That's just crazy to think about because I'm in grade 11. I only have one more year left after this year for high school. I still feel like I'm in 7th grade. Quarantine really ****** up a lot of people's perception on time. Speaking of time, I really wish I could stop time if I had a super power. That would be so cool and useful. I would never be late to anything, like school. I could sleep way more and never feel tired? hopefully, maybe. I could also study a lot and always and then would for sure pass everything with very high marks. I wish I was smarter and more hardworking and dedicated? I wish I didn't get tired of **** so easily and could actually accomplish **** I put my mind to. But I can't. Anyways hopefully this year goes okay, with grades and people and everything. God I hate life sometimes. But there are good moments? Still Hate Life, Me

Epilogue

about 4 hours later

This is a funny letter. I just finished writing my monthly letter to future me because I get these monthly emails to write them. I was...

Ldo i my ohutthg tasp hte ihst adte nltui htrugoh nad swa seetrtl eehckcd olnikog. Enodep to efreob i het it enev ents ielk senitum saw owt trtlee me. .
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I en'vtah sujt ety to cahin own, tbu it pignhnape goen si. 'mi fro fact eepxct ahev hto be het i ixcdtee so eht nda tetypr aglvei ot is htta how mngsiis htta rfo 'id been gngoi ortccen tngcexii ti. Ma ulltycaa the iggno ckttesi koboed i are btu nda. .
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Ta a a / cypmnao ot aestet loco is wchhi cicnnaguot i lalrey osla orf did oopc obj aelr ganmae eacmtnepl tge. Si esetw eoeryenv and pruse cein. Etemrses eth rof cpoo dceson tmhe kirwnog orf wsa i. M'i adpi part si tebs gignett. .
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Ghrti i osal ma nda. Stiyngdu when ti einded ot os ma i icntosnsenti emsco. Do 'sit i enhw i i ton ,tusyd jtus wenh it t'don try tub. Ym taht me newh foin be uystd stuj bascuee i mtei lepmrbo mgcimrna ym tnio eden ot i narib n,to socintstne eth si i'm eryve is. Wyh ti hat'st gkoinrw nst'i. I to etha utsj i as tgo cuhm feroc mlfsye ,ti as sudty to. Eesms si unordtcipuve betrte a on mhr,thy it ti if than ebsceua ton gintnoh 'mi eenv. Aansyyw ot at'hts em. .
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I ovle psta rtelest me fmor. Mflsye i'm tnpedidspoia a ibnge adb ofr ywsaal sdentut so in. .

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niishi.261:

almost 3 years ago

Hey how are you now and how's studying.? I feel you when you said about not trying hard and stuff I mean I and trying and I know I want this but still I can't get my self to sit and study. It'so hard and I can't even drop out cause of i do I'll be doing the same. So I'm gonna stick around.
Just wanted to know how you're coping with this all.?
-nishi.

Letter Author:

almost 3 years ago

I wonder if this is a reply to your comment or it ends up just publishing as a comment but I hope you see my reply :)

I suppose I'm alright. Studying is tough. I'll never be able to understand how some people are actually able to sit themselves down and push through and study. A few things I've done that has really helped me feel productive is changing the environment in which I'm studying in. For example, I always study at my desk so I switch it up every now and then. I've gone to the public library, school library, random open classrooms and sitting areas inside school areas or even cafes. I've also gone to the kitchen table to study. Also I find that playing some music, not too loud but music that gets you into a good mood but also isn't too loud. It makes studying more enjoyable instead of dead silence for me.

As for the coping aspect, well I think I've realized that the pressure is really on from family and I do hate seeing their disappointment. I've also realized that I hate getting such low grades compared to my friends so that's motivation? I don't think I've really found something that pushes I myself but I use other people around me to push myself. I also just try to remind myself how much can be accomplished in just a couple of hours and how much more difficult it is to study when it isn't consistent.

Anyways hopefully this comment was helpful and hopefully you see it cause I don't think it gave me the option to reply to your comment

niishi.261:

almost 3 years ago

I'm getting back to you very late sorry for that I was just trying to understand things.

I literally understand your second last para cause even I hate to disappoint my parents it doesn't matter how much I have to go through I have to strive just so my parents can be proud. Using friends for this is a good idea i believe, cause of competition yk. I do this and sometimes I'm very hyped and study easily but sometimes I can't even do this cause I don't feel motivated.

So that's my problem I don't feel motivated and always be procastinating. If only I can overcome this.

Btw it was good to see your reply. Thankyou. Till then I'll see what I can do with my self.

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